Page 128 of Flaunt
It’s as if my heart is delivering a message to my brain.
Maybe Gretchen’s right. Maybe I don’t know how to accept love.
I pull away, watching as she wipes the moisture from beneath her eyes.
“I love you, Gretchen.”
Two I love yous in one day? What’s happening here?
“I’m going to circle back to what I was saying before. You’re blaming yourself for a lot of things. It’s your fault that Sabrina came to your house and acted like a fool. It’s your fault that Bethany is unhappy and trapped there. It’s your fault that the Carmichaels saw a nasty woman berate a lovely woman and a little girl. It’s your fault that things with Banks must end.”
“Your point?”
“Sara, putting all that on your shoulders isn’t giving you any more power over these situations. It’s eroding your mental health—maybe your physical health too. But you don’t get extra control powers if you take the blame for things that aren’t your fault.”
“I don’t want control. You’re wrong.”
She lifts a brow. “You do. If you control it, it can’t hurt you. You can put up your defenses and walls and feel protected. But, honey, that’s not how it works.” She takes my hand. “The only part of this that is your fault is if you walk away from that man who I bet thinks a whole hell of a lot about you.”
I swallow past a lump in my throat.
“You’ll have to break these habits,” she says. “You’ll have to learn to trust that giving other people a little bit of responsibility, trusting them to help you heal and to love you, isn’t going to hurt you. That’s your natural inclination because it’s how you’ve been taught life works. But you were taught wrong.”
I hug her again.
Breathing comes a little easier, and my stomach has settled some. If nothing else, she’s given me a lot to think about.
“I need to go,” I say.
“Where are you off to?”
“I have a new apartment, and I haven’t even seen it yet.” I shrug helplessly. “I need to get my stuff out of my car and into the building while I still have energy.”
“Need any help?”
I smile. “I’ll be fine.”Hell, might as well make it three.“I love you, Gretchen.”
“I love you more, Sara.”
The air is hot as I make my way back to my car. The wind is balmy as it licks my skin. I get in my car, shoving a box with my elbow to make room, and take off across town.
“Sara, you don’t know how to accept love.”
Banks’s face pops up in my mind.
“You won’t even rely on me. Do you think I’m incapable of helping you? Do you think I’m a flake? What is it?”
I take a deep breath and step on the gas. I’m a gas pusher, after all.
* * *
Banks
“Mom!”I call out, looking around the kitchen. “Mom! Where are you?”
“What do you want, Banks?” she yells from somewhere in the back of the house.
“I’m having an emergency here.”
