Page 60 of Flaunt
Me: It’s Ash’s friend, Sara.
Paige: SHE’S PRETTY, BANKS. And hilarious.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Paige: Is there something going on between you?
I typenoand then backspace over it.
There isn’t anything between the two of us. We made it through burgers from Shade House and our ice cream without strangling one another. It was actually pretty calm, considering it was the two of us.
But saying no feels like a lie because when Sara looks at me—whether she’s telling me a story or giving me shit—there’s a twinkle in her eye that reminds me a whole hell of a lot like the feeling in my chest.
Bossy you sometimes turns me on. I’m not going to lie.
“But it’s you,” I whisper into the darkness. “It’s always just about sex.”
Me: I think I’m too sensitive.
Paige:
Me: I MEAN IT.
Paige: I’m sorry. Why do you think you’re too sensitive?
Me: Because I don’t just want to fuck someone for the hell of it. I mean, sometimes I do. Sometimes that’s the whole damn point. But … I don’t know what I’m even saying. Forget it.
It takes Paige forever to respond.
Paige: For all of your goofiness, you’re a great person, Banksy.
Me: That’s it? You took that long to answer me, and I get one sentence?
Paige: You have a big heart. Maybe the biggest heart of anyone I know. When you care about someone, you take care of them. You never give them a chance to doubt your presence in their life.
Me: Is that a Jess-type joke about how I won’t stay away?
Paige: What I’m saying is that we all give you crap about that because it’s the only thing we can give you crap for. It’s your most annoying trait but your most lovable too. Double-edged sword.
Me: Double-edged sword is that Sara is asleep in my house and I’m lying here in my bed thinking about her when I know that if anything happens between us that, one, it’s just sex to her, two, I’m not sure it’s just sex for me because I’m over here thinking about this way too much, and three, it’ll end and then it’ll make things really weird for all of us. Maybe that’s like a triple-edged sword.
I roll onto my back and sigh.
Paige: Do you want advice?
Me: Only if it’s good advice and not advice I’ll hate.
Paige: Be you. I have learned in my life that when you’re unapologetically you, you attract all the things that are meant to come your way. It works. I promise.
Me: That sounds like a weak answer. That’s some talk-show shit written to get good ratings.
Paige: You asked.
Me: I’m sorry I did.
Paige: Go to bed. Nate’s working for Landry Security tonight, and Ryder has a fever, so I’m lying on the couch with him. I’m going to try to get some sleep too.
Me: Tell the little rascal I hope he feels better. Love you, Paige.
