Page 127 of Fluke
“And I wonder why I have trust issues,” she says. “Actually, no, I don’t. This shit is the exact reason I don’t think soulmates are a real thing. Human beings are too skittish.”
I remember our conversation about soulmates. She didn’t believe in them then, and I did. She’s more convinced than ever before she’s right.
And so am I.
I wonder how much our beliefs impact the outcome.If we go into the world thinking the possibility of love is there, does it up our odds that we’ll find it? If we approach life with the attitude that we’ll never find it, does that increase our chances that we won’t?
I grin. “Well, I’m not sure about that. But he’s obviously not yours.”
“Obviously. But next time, I’m taking things slower. I’m not going to be dazzled by sex and sweet nothings. It takes too much of a toll on me when it all falls to shit.” She holds a hand up. “I’ll be fine. This is a blip in my radar. But I’ll still need to be pissed about it for a week, and I need to go buy a new toothbrush.”
I laugh. “I hope the ex doesn’t see yours on the counter.”
“Honestly? I hope she doesn’t, either. Clearly, I was a moment in his life. Maybe she is his life, you know? It would piss me off to think that something stupid I got caught up in ruined something that could’ve been good for her.”
“That’s a mature way to look at it.”
She slurps her wine again. “Lesson learned. If a relationship has lasting potential, I’m not rushing into it. There’s time. It’s forever, right?”
My stomach tightens. “Right.”
I force out the negative self-talk threatening to shove its way into my brain.
No, I’m not doing this. Stop.
“I can’t imagine if I would’ve bought all the way in. Can you imagine how tricky this would be if I had dove in headfirst?” She shivers. “It would’ve been a nightmare. And for what? For it to fall apart? Slow and easy, Pip. That’s the name of the game from here on out.”
“We’ve done this for a week now. Maybe. But that’s not really true, Pippa. Doesn’t it feel like we’ve always done this—we just didn’t know it? Like we were taking the long route to get here?”
My stomach curls, and I set my glass down. My face is hot from the wine.
“Okay, what do you have to tell me?” she asks. “How was the trip? How was Jess?”
She wiggles her eyebrows.
Suddenly, I don’t know where to begin. I don’t reallywantto start.
I’m so thrown off by what Kerissa has said even though I know it doesn’t directly apply to me. Still, my pulse is racing, and I need to be calm and excited when I tell her. Otherwise, she’ll start asking questions that I might not have the answers for tonight.
“It was great, and he was great.”He is great. “I’m tired of talking about it, though. I’ve had everyone asking me about it today, and I just want to chill and watch trash television with my best friend.”
She smiles at me. “Let’s do it.”
I flip on the television, and we pick a show. Kerissa becomes invested in the dish the chef is making from the get-go. But me?
I have too much to think about.
28
JESS
Ituck the small box I picked up from Brinkmann’s on my lunch break into my pocket and jog up the walkway. There was a slight delay as I made sure everything was out of my truck before I came over. I want to ensure we can get as much of her stuff on this trip as she wants.
My knuckle raps on the door.
She pulls it open like she was waiting for me.My girl.
I wrap my arms around her and hold her as I close the door behind me. She nestles against me.
