Page 90 of Sacrifice
“You can’t,” I breathe out. “What if something goes wrong? What if you get hurt? What if . . .” I can’t say it. I can’t say the ultimate possibility. I can’t even fathom losing him now.
“What if I don’t?”
“Then we’ll figure it out,” I cry. My hands shake and I lay them on my lap. My thoughts start to separate, boil down to the basics, and I realize the fundamental problem with this whole thing. Is it selfish? Probably.
But still.
“I can’t lose you, too,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes.
“Hey,” he says, walking over to the side of the bed. He sits on the edge and kisses me gently. “What did I tell you last night?”
I can’t speak, so he answers himself.
“That I’ll never walk away from you again.”
“But—”
“No buts, Jules. I’m going to be fine. This is the first time in my life that I’m fighting for something real, for something that matters. I’m doing this.”
“What if something happens to you?”
“I’m never leaving you.”
I don’t trust him and not because it’s him this time. But because I’ve heard that before and been left even though they didn’t want to leave me. Sometimes it isn’t your choice. Sometimes fate has different plans. And Crew fighting seems to be taunting fate and its devilish ways. How would I make it? How would Ever take it?
Ever . . .
“Crew, about last night . . .” My throat starts to burn. I don’t know how to navigate whatever this is between us now. What does he mean when he says he won’t walk away? I’m also not sure what’s best for Ever right now.
“Last night was the best night I’ve ever had,” he says simply. His reply makes me grin. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like where your head is at today?”
I shrug, tugging the blanket back up around me again. “I don’t know what, if anything, this changes between us.”
“It changes everything,” he says matter-of-factly.
“How?”
“What do you mean, ‘How?’”
“I don’t know how to do this, whatever this even is. I don’t want Ever confused. I don’t want her having to deal with anything else in her already-disrupted life.”
“Let’s get a couple of things straight. This,” he says, motioning between us, “is you and me together. It’s you and me tackling this fucking world as a team. This,” he says, pointing at himself, “is me not giving two fucks what you say about it. I gave you the option to stop last night and you didn’t take it. Now you deal with me.”
His lips part into a small grin, but I know he’s not joking. I’m semi-relieved that he’s not.
“I can see how you want things to move slowly for Everleigh and that’s fine. I get it. She’s dealing with enough change right now. But just so you know,” he says, leaning in and kissing me again before standing up, “you and I aren’t up for negotiation. You’ll have to make it work.” He winks before heading to the door. “I’ll be back this afternoon sometime. You gonna be okay?”
“I don’t like you fighting, Crew. I really don’t like this. I want to know exactly what’s going on. I want the details. I want to know everything.”
“Later,” he says, turning the handle. “It’s really nothing for you to worry about.”
“How can you say that?”
He shrugs. “I just did.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
CREW
