Page 69 of Sacrifice
“Will you hold me while I sleep?” I smile.
“If you want me to.”
“I do.”
“Then I will.”
She snuggles against me, and I hold her as she falls asleep. For the next couple of hours, I pray to a God I don’t quite believe in.
TWENTY-SEVEN
JULIA
I’m grateful that Ever’s hospital room is at least a little appealing. The bright yellow walls and swirly designs seem playful and fun. Still, it’s ahospital room.
My daughter’s hospital room.
They’ve tried to make it as comfortable as possible for the both of us. What they can’t make comfortable, however, is the gnawing feeling in my stomach.Thatis what they can’t fix . . . until they fix Ever, anyway. I’m not even sure if that’ll go away completely once she’s better.
Do you ever relax after a diagnosis like this? Can you ever go back to that blissful, cancer-free life?
I look up at the clock. It’s right at noon. My stomach growls, but it’s more from anxiety than hunger, although I haven’t eaten in a few days, really.
I can’t get the sight of Ever being rolled back for the port procedure out of my mind. The port is a semi-permanent IV line that the doctors will use to give her medicine. It’s supposed to make things easier and more comfortable for her. They said it shouldn’t take long but it seems like it’s already taken too long.
I’m gonna have to get used to this. This is going to be the way it is for a while.
I’m sitting in a chair that reclines, situated next to where Ever’s bed is parked when it’s in here. There’s also a couch that turns into a makeshift bed. I’ll be spending at least the next six nights there because I won’t leave her. Not for a second.
I dig through my large bag and find my phone. I promised Mrs. Ficht I would call her back today and let her know I was okay. As I start to press the numbers, it vibrates in my hand.
Crew: You okay?
Me: They’re putting in the port now.
Crew: I’ll come by tonight.
Me: It’s okay.
Crew: I wish I was there now. I’m fucking sick.
Me: I’ll text you when I know something. Just waiting now. Guess I better get used to it.
Crew: I’m on break so I gotta get back. If you need something, call the dock. I put the number in your bag.
Curious, I sort through my bag again and find a baggie. I hold it in the air and see a folded piece of paper, a couple of granola bars, and a couple of twenty-dollar bills.
Me: I just found it. You didn’t have to do this.
Crew: See you tonight.
I press the bag against my chest. It feels odd to have someone thinking of me, but good at the same time. I fight off the anxiety that always rises when I consider Crew walking away again. I really don’t think he’ll leave us, at least not until Ever is better. Something’s changed in Crew.
I dial Mrs. Ficht and smile when I hear her voice. “Hello?”
“Hi, Valerie.”
“Oh, Julia. I’m so glad to hear your voice, sweetheart. How are you? How’s Everleigh?”
