Page 128 of Sacrifice
FIFTY-TWO
CREW
I haven’t been here in years.
The water rolls in lazily. Seagulls squawk overhead. The sun is going down in the west.
I feel her here.
I sit on the grass at the edge of the sand, letting the final few rays of sun hit my face. It’s been a peaceful day, starting with pancakes for breakfast and a run-through with Sal. Will met me for lunch and then it was cartoons all afternoon.
Crazy that Nick Jr. is my idea of a perfect day.
I watch the birds circle over the water, flying around gracefully. Ma would’ve loved it. She loved simple things: a sunset, a good Red Sox game, a good pancake.
I smile. The beach is empty. It’s just us.
“Hey, Ma,” I say softly. “Long time no see, right?”
I scoop up a handful of sand from the beach at my feet and let it run through my fingers. “Well, I don’t know if I’m fucking up again or if I’m finally doing the right thing.”
The birds squawk and I laugh.
“I feel like an idiot talking out loud right now. You better be listening because I can’t promise it’ll happen again.” Another handful of sand flows through my fingers. “It took me a while to get what you meant when we talked last. I don’t know if I just didn’t get it or if I didn’t want to get it. But now, I think I do.”
I brush my hands off and lean back on my elbows.
“I’m sorry I caused you so much grief. Fuck, looking back, I don’t know why you didn’t just write me off. But you didn’t.” I think for a second. “No, that’s not true. I know why you didn’t because I wouldn’t do that to Everleigh, either.”
I smile. “You’d love her. She’s so pretty and so smart. She’s a lot like Gage and Jules, but I’d like to think some of me has rubbed off on her, too.
“I’m doing the best I can down here since you and my fucking brother decided to leave me alone. Funny that you two turned everything over tome. . . the one with no idea how to take care of myself, let alone other people. But I’m trying.”
I blow out a breath, my chest feeling lighter. “You know, though, I get it now. I get what you were saying. I was pushing and sacrificing everything then for all the wrong reasons. I lost track of everything that mattered.
“What you said was right. Life is about the simple things. Fuck if I don’t know that now more than anyone. It’s about a good woman, that feeling you get when you walk in the door and you feel that happiness you can’t explain. It’s about health and pancakes and doing what you have to do to take care of those you love.
“I fight tomorrow. I act like I got this shit in the bag, but between you and me and the beach here, I don’t know. My neck and back are hurting every day. Davidson has a vendetta against me that’s fueling him. I have a huge mountain to climb and one leg to stand on. I hope to God this was the right answer, but I don’t know that there was another one.
“When the opportunity came to do this, I didn’t think twice. I’ve put some stuff together that I hope works out. Even if I don’t come off that mat in one piece, it’s worth it all as long as Ever has the chance at getting well. Because that’s the real kicker . . . she doesn’t even have a fucking chance without this therapy. I called the doctors without Jules knowing and we had a frank conversation. She has to have this to even have a shot. I won’t go through my life knowing there was something I could’ve done to give her that chance. She deserves a chance and I’m the only one that can give her that. If something bad is gonna come to one of us, it’ll be me. I’ve fucked up so many times in my life that if anything should come of this fight, I probably deserve it. But Ever, she’s innocent. She’s perfect. And I’ll be damned if I don’t give her a fighting chance.”
I dust off the back of my pants. “Thank you for sacrificing your life for Gage and me. You killed yourself every day to make sure we had food. I may not have realized it then, but I get it now.
“Tell that brother of mine that I have his back. And as much as I love him, I hope to see him later than sooner.”
With a final glance at the sun dipping behind the horizon, I turn and head to my truck.
FIFTY-THREE
JULIA
I’ve been lying in his bed for an hour. Ever is resting. The new meds they sent us home with make her sleep a lot. I need sleeping meds of my own, but then who will take care of everything?
I’m lying on his side, his scent surrounding me. I breathe it in and hold it in my lungs, letting it comfort me. My nerves are shot. Gone.
Tomorrow is the day of reckoning, the day the rest of my life either goes or stops. I feel so much apprehension, so much fear, that I haven’t eaten in three days. If I let myself think about it too much, I dry heave. I also haven’t decided whether to tell him about the baby before the fight. I’m so torn about it.
My body begins to relax and I nuzzle into his pillow, letting my mind go black.
