Page 55 of Sacrifice
How would I even know what that feels like if it did?
I unlock the door and start inside but stop midway.
My house usually doesn’t smell like much of anything. Maybe cologne from the morning or bleach if I’ve cleaned, but that’s it. It’s always just like I’ve left it. But tonight, the house smells different. A mixture of spices and warmth hits me hard and throws me a little off balance.
I shut the door softly, still feeling skewed. It’s my house, but I don’t know who’s up or what they’re doing. It doesn’t feel like I’m walking into my house. It feels like I’m walking into a home.
I toss my keys on the kitchen counter and make my way towards a light in the living room. I round the corner and see Julia sitting on the couch, hunched over a box. She looks up and her eyes meet mine.
Her beautiful face is marred with the misery she’s under. She has bags under her eyes, her forehead lined with tension. It adds to the weight I’m carrying on my shoulders.
“Hey,” I say quietly. “I didn’t think you’d be up. It’s late.”
She half-smiles. “I’m trying to get some of this mess cleaned up.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, sitting in the chair Will always uses. I try to ease her worries with a smile, but it doesn’t work.
“I know you hate a mess, Crew. I feel bad still having boxes lying around.”
“It’s been a couple of days, Jules. Relax.”
“Relax? What’s that again?”
I feel like an asshole. Of course she can’t relax.
Neither can I.
“Is everything okay? You were gone a while.”
I consider how much to tell her, but I don’t want to get her hopes up. I don’t know if this is gonna work, it’s a long shot anyway. I’m not putting any eggs into this basket and I don’t really want her doing that either.
“Yeah. Everything is fine. I had to meet up with a few guys about a side job.”
As soon as I say it, I know it was the wrong thing.
Her shoulders slump. “I’ll see if I can get some shifts this weekend at Ficht’s. I—”
“No, you won’t,” I say abruptly. “That’s not exactly what I meant. Just . . . don’t worry about it, all right? Your job is to focus on Ever. My job is to focus on the rest.”
I see her throat bob and her hands begin to shake. “I’m scared, Crew.”
I grab the armrests of the chair so I won’t stand and grabher.“I know. But we’ll figure it out. Somehow, we’ll figure it out.I promise you.”
“Without the therapy, I don’t know what the odds are. They just said we’d talk about it on Monday when we go in for day one of the chemo, but this was the winning shot . . .”
“I promise you, wewillfigure this out.Iwill figure this out. I don’t want you worrying about it now. There’s a chance she won’t even need the therapy, okay?”
She tries to grin, but I know she doesn’t believe me. Hell, I don’t even really believe me. I don’t know how this is going to play out, other than Iwilldo whatever I have to do to get this baby healthy.
“Let’s stay positive and not fall apart until we hear the doctor out, okay?”
“Just . . .” She looks scared all of a sudden. “Just please don’t leave us, Crew.”
The English language becomes as foreign to me as Arabic. I cannot speak. I know down deep she’s not kidding. She’s been left or turned away by everyone, but I’ll be damned if I’ll fall into that pattern again.
She clears her throat and pulls out a blue bowl that I recognize. She holds it up and smiles. “This was your mom’s. Do you remember?”
“Yeah. I remember her using that to make pancakes sometimes.”
