Page 38 of Full Body Hit: Part 2
A pause. “No, I just—you don’t normally call me this early. You okay?”
Right. For a second, it was as if Aunix knew about Chase’s mom—or, at least, that there was something going on with Chase. “Oh, right. No, yeah, I’m…my mom is here.”
“What? Since when?”
“Since last night. She kind of just showed up. I mean, obviously, it’s a really nice surprise. Just kind of a shock.”
The pause that followed was longer than the last one. “Isit a nice surprise?”
Chase’s ribs tightened. What was that supposed to mean? “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Baby…okay. Let’s say it’s a nice surprise—it’s still normal for you to be a little put out. To want her to warn you if she flies over.”
Chase brushed him off. “It’s fine.”
He’d never regretted calling Aunix before, but what was the point of this conversation, really? He had nothing to complain about.
He’d just wanted to hear Aunix’s voice.
“It really is fine. My friends are staying with me. I think they made an excuse about a pipe bursting in their apartment so they could stay here.” Chase forced out a laugh. It got stuck in his throat.
“That’s good.” The silence that fell was odd and misshapen and heavy. “Baby, can I say something? That you might not like to hear.”
Chase’s shoulders hunched. God, he was so tired. “I…okay?”
“I think that maybe your mom, as much as you love her—and I’m sure you do—doesn’t make you feel great. Even if her intentions are good, it’s okay for her behaviour to hurt. It’s okay to reach a point where you can tell her that’s not okay anymore.”
Chase took a deep breath, but Aunix kept talking.
“And maybe that’s not right now. That doesn’t have to be right now. But I just want you to know that what you’re feeling isokay to feel, you know? You’re not being…ungrateful. It’s okay for you to want your mom to treat you better. It’s okay to have boundaries like, ‘Please let me know if you’re going to fly over and stay at my apartment.’ ”
“I don’t…” Chase’s voice shrunk into itself, barely audible. “It’s fine.” He should begrateful.
“Well. I get that you maybe feel that way, and I know you don’t really want to hear this, but I just have to say…Idon’t think it’s fine. I wouldn’t think it’s fine if it was done to me, and as someone who fucking…cares about you a lot, I don’t think it’s fine for you, too.”
The emotions that caused clashed together, two waves slamming into each other and spraying everything with water and salt.
He’d always forced himself not to think that way. Not to question his mom, even when what she did felt awful. There had never been anybody to tell him otherwise.
To defend him.
His head was telling him to shut Aunix down—to list all the things his mom had done for him.
Not for you. To you, a small, tender part of him whispered—the same one that wanted to cave and tell Aunix he was right.
Be he couldn’t, not in that moment. The idea of his mom—of what Chase really felt when she was around—was too terrifying to take out and look at in the light.
“Okay. Just. Not now. It’s fine.”
“All right. That’s okay, baby. It’s okay if it’s ever not fine too, yeah?”
Chase nodded. There wasn’t much else he could do.
“What did you get up to with your friends, then?”
“Oh, well…we made a pillow fort.”
Aunix gasped. “And no pictures?”
