Page 22 of I've Walked Where You've Been
The urge to kiss Ethan hit him so strong that Matty wasn’t even surprised when Ethan stopped mid-sentence, trailing off as his cheeks turned bright red.
They stood there, watching each other, Matty’s heart beating so fast that he could hear it,feelit, replacing every panicked, wanting thought in his head and just leaving their imprint across the vulnerable membrane of his mind.
Matty licked his lips, trying to get his mouth to work. To say anything coherent. But any words he might have found were lost at the way Ethan was suddenly staring at his mouth—big, dark eyes wide like he’d never thought about doing this before. Like he’d never felt this kind of desire simmering beneath his skin.
Matty moved slowly, somnambulating, feeling Ethan’s stare like the press of fingertips on his skin.
“Ethan,” he said, or maybe just mouthed—he couldn’t hear anything, the rush in his head gobbling everything up.
It was the way Ethan’s eyes fluttered shut more than that first press of lips that speared through Matty, a sweet, sudden pain.
Matty cupped the back of Ethan’s head and felt his lips part slightly in surprise. A puff of air, a hint of wetness. Matty could feel his shirt stretch where Ethan had fisted his hands over his stomach, tilting his head more, letting his tongue wet the hot, sacred space between them.
“Fuck.” Matty shifted away just enough to say that and then wound an arm around Ethan’s waist, pulling him close.
Ethan’s gasp carried sound this time, a low, short moan, his hands letting go of Matty’s shirt and coming up to clench in the hair curling against the nape of Matty’s neck. Matty felt it tremble through him, an ache to get closer, deeper, to do anything not to have this stop.
Ethan wasn’t sloppy or too fast with his kisses, and Matty had a moment of regret that they hadn’t learnt how to do this together. That they’d missed out on attempting those first few scared, hesitant tries on each other. That they hadn’t felt each other grow and adjust, playful and nervous, feeling each other out.
The thought was brushed away quickly, though. At least they had this. At least Matty got to hold Ethannow, and not years down the line.
Almost as soon as Matty had that thought, Ethan broke the kiss, lowering his hands to rest on Matty’s chest, putting a little distance between them. They were both gasping for breath. Matty couldn’t stop staring at Ethan’s wet, red lips, a phantom touch still pressed against his own.
“I, uh…” Ethan shook his head. Matty’s brain was a tangle of emotion, threads knotted around the bond, unclear what was coming from who. “That was, uh. Maybe we should slow down?”
Matty stepped back a little. “Yeah, of course. You good?” he asked, concerned.
“Yeah. Yeah, just. You know. That was a lot? But I had fun. I mean, I had fun today, with you. Like, the game. And this. But…you know what I mean.”
Matty couldn’t help but smile as he watched Ethan’s face get progressively redder.
“Me too. Thanks for taking me to the game.”
“Yeah. I, uh. No problem.”
Matty had never experienced such an awkward aftermath to a kiss, but maybe it was to be expected, what with the history between them.
Matty let Ethan use the bathroom first to clean up. It was late, and despite the way his heart had been racing only minutes before, Matty felt beat. Too much adrenaline in too short a time.
By the time Matty took his turn and got out of the bathroom, Ethan was tucked under his blankets, his back to the room. Matty hesitated, feeling, for the first time in a while, that old sting of rejection and uncertainty he used to feel all the time around Ethan.
It was fine, though. Matty was more than fine with things going slow, if this really was heading to where Matty expected—somewhere beyond friendship. The kind of soulmate that most people hoped for, even if not many admitted it.
“Night, Ethan,” Matty said as he got into his own bed, trying to push away the uncertain feeling in his gut.
“Night,” Ethan murmured.
It was a long time before Matty could fall asleep, the darkness filled with silence.
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CHAPTER FIVE
At first, Matty couldn’t quite believe what was happening. It was a coincidence, the way Ethan was suddenly never in their room, returning late at night and going straight to bed, leaving before Matty got in.
It was a coincidence, the way he seemed distracted all the time, giving him vague answers when Matty tried to talk to him, monosyllabic even when texting.
After everything they’d gone through together—everything they’d put each other through, there was no way Ethan was pulling this weak shit on him now, just because he regretted kissing Matty.
