Page 24 of I've Walked Where You've Been
Ethan stared at him for a long time, a small frown between his eyebrows. “Why?” he asked softly.
“Why what?”
“Why wouldn’t you choose someone else?”
“Because you’re you. Because you’re smart in a hard-working way. Because you’re so passionate about things, and read about them, and put all this work and effort into it. Because you’re funny and being around you just…makes my day better. Because you’re thoughtful, and generous, and think of others instead of just yourself. You, like. Make me better. You settle me down. You make me feel…like I can achieve things. I’m not saying that everything we went through just disappeared, but…I like you a lot.You. Not just the bond. You.”
Ethan looked a little bowled over, eyes wide and a little shiny, mouth parted and wordless.
Matty felt himself blush, but he let the truth of everything he felt—the affection and want and joy at having Ethan as a bondmate—shine through the bond. Ethan jolted against him, eyes going even wider.
“Okay?” Matty asked, retreating back into his own head, feeling a little shaken himself.
“I…” Ethan looked at him, swaying a little.
Matty only had a second to wonder what Ethan was doing before he felt a wave of happiness and awe and tenderness and warmth rush through the bond to cover him in light.
“Fuck,” Matty choked out, overwhelmed.
“Me too,” Ethan said as the wave receded. “I…I’m really sorry. I know I should have talked to you, but I was so stupidly scared that…I don’t know. It was stupid. I knew you weren’t going to be mean but I just…I wanted to kiss you again really bad and I didn’t want to get so deep in it and then realise that I wasn’t good enough for you and then—”
“Ethan. Babe. You gotta try and cut yourself off when you start spiralling like that. I mean, just…feel out the bond. It’s not like I can lie through it. You can feel whatIfeel, okay?”
Ethan nodded mutely.
“And you can kiss me anytime. We can do whatever you want.”
“What about what you want?”
“Iwant whatyouwant. I want to touch you when you wanna be touched, and kiss you when you wanna be kissed.”
“What if…” Ethan bit his lip. “What if I wanna be kissed right now?”
Matty laughed a little. “Then…”
He leaned forwards and kissed Ethan as sweetly as he knew how to kiss. Slow, shallow, his hands trailing through Ethan’s hair softly.
Despite the calm pace of the kiss, they were both a little out of breath when they parted.
“Okay?” Matty asked.
Ethan nodded. “Okay,” he replied quietly.
Matty brushed a thumb across the bruised-looking pillow underneath one of Ethan’s eyes. “We should probably go to bed.”
Ethan hesitated for a moment. “Can you…can you sleep with me? Just sleep. I just…”
“Yeah. I can do that.”
Ethan smiled tentatively, and the shy, happy expression filled Matty up.
They got ready for bed, and by the time they crawled under the covers, Matty was way too tired to feel nervous about wrapping himself around Ethan, slotting himself against Ethan’s back so that they were a little bundle of warmth slipping deeper and deeper into sleep.
**********
It wasn’t really that, all of a sudden, things became perfect between them. Matty was starting to realise that there was no such thing as ‘perfect’, even between bondmates—that if you wanted something, you’d have to work for it.
But it was amazing what simplytryingcould do. Or maybe it was that Matty was starting to truly trust Ethan instead of always assuming the worst of him.
