Page 15 of I've Walked Where You've Been
“Nothing,” Carly said before the other two could reply. “We gonna finish this game or what?”
Nobody was surprised when Ethan won handily, but he smiled and shrugged it off. To be fair, it probablywasn’ta big accomplishment to win against the four of them.
“So, a big fan of Settlers of Catan now?” Ethan probed as they went back to their room.
“Uh, sure. It was very, uh…you had to…it was cool how, like…what?” Matty asked as he saw that Ethan was laughing at him.
“Sorry. I just…it’s okay if you didn’t like it.”
“It’s not that I didn’t like it. It’s more that the game didn’t likeme.”
“You weren’tthatbad.”
“I mean, thanks, you liar.”
Ethan snorted. “Why did you even choose that game if you didn’t like it?”
“Well, I mean, we haven’t really…hung out. I mean we hang out all the time but not really? We hang in the same space but not together. And I know that you like Settlers of Catalan—”
“Catan.”
“Right, Catan, so, you know. I didn’t want you to be bored or whatever.”
“Oh. Well…thanks. But just so you know, your friends seem pretty cool. I wouldn’t mind just hanging out with them without having to play a board game. Not that I’m saying you should invite me again…”
“You don’t want me to?”
“No, I mean. Yeah. That would be…I mean, ifyouwant to.”
“Yeah.”
There was a long moment of awkward silence as they reached their dorm room. Matty could feel his heart like a drumbeat in his chest, alerting him to some unknown danger.
They stood in the middle of their room as the door shut closed behind them, staring at each other.
This is the part where we would kiss if this were a date. The thought rattled through Matty, leaving him wrong-footed.
That wasn’t what this was. Matty wanted to be Ethan’sfriend. Nothing else.
They both twitched as Ethan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Oh, it’s Frank. I’m, uh…I’m gonna head out if that’s okay? Unless you wanted to do something else.”
For a second, Matty was sure he was going to burst with it, just say ‘FuckFrank.’ But he couldn’t. “No, yeah, that’s cool. Have fun.”
Ethan stared at him for a moment, and Matty shied away from the bond, not wanting Ethan to notice how much Matty wanted him to stay.
“Okay. I’ll, uh. See you later then?”
“Sure.”
There was no way Ethan didn’t feel at least a twinge of whatever dumbassery Matty’s emotions were doing at the moment, but Matty refused to give them a voice. He flopped on his bed as Ethan stepped out and closed the door behind him.
“Urgh,” Matty groaned. What the fuck was he even doing to himself?
Not being able to help himself, he focused on the bond, finding it wasn’t excited and happy the way Matty had guessed Ethan would be feeling at the prospect of seeing his boyfriend. The emotions were faint, so Ethan must have been making an effort to hide, too, but what came across was conflicted, a push and pull of feeling.
Matty sighed. There was no point in obsessing about which emotions slipped through the bond. That way lay madness.
He turned, burying his head in a pillow and trying to think of nothing at all.
