Page 31 of Crybaby
What a fucking idiot he was. What afucking—
Jason flinched as the front door opened and closed again. He turned around incredulously to see Sasha standing there.
“Are you…fucking serious?”
“Jason.”
Jason stood up, rounding the couch. “That’s not what the key is for! You can’t just, just…” Jason was too angry to speak.
“Why you tell me to dance with Mark? Ah?”
Jason made a garbled noise of furious incomprehension. “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t control what you do.”
“Nocontrol, but you, you say—oh, Sasha, go dance with guy, is okay.”
“Okay, I fuckingnoddedat you.”
“Is same thing.”
“Oh my God…so what? My point stands—we’re not…together.”
Sasha stared at him. “We not together? We best friends and then we have sex and kiss and hold and then you take me to club and is so obvious, you want me to dance with guy and then you jealous and now you mad? You stupid! I thought you want…more. This is real to me and you are acting like—” Sasha said a word in Russian. Jason guessed it wasn’t complimentary.
“Don’t fucking act like I…like it was, like…” Jason couldn’t even speak. “Don’t act like this was more than sex from your end. From the start, you’ve made it clear this was casual for you.”
“You crazy! How? How—what did I do to say, oh, this casual?”
“You…I mean, you, at the start, you said this was only because you wanted to, you know. Have sex with someone you trusted before going out and finding the love of your life or whatever.”
“I never say this.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No.”
“Well, you implied it.”
Sasha threw his hands in the air, looking up as if pleading with God. “You are stupidest man. How you function, unbelievable.” He looked at Jason. “I’m in love with you. You are best friend, good friend, always think of me, treat me best. And sex best, too. What are you talking about, finding love of life? You are love of life! I’m in love with stupidest man on planet.”
Jason stared at him. “That’s not true. I would know if you were in love with me.”
Sasha closed his eyes and shook his head, saying something in Russian. Jason really had to start learning Russian.
“If you…if that’s true, why didn’t you say something before?”
“It obvious! Why didn’tyou?”
“Because I didn’t want to get my heart broken!”
The words rang out in the ensuing silence. Sasha’s expression softened. Jason had to look away, but a moment later, Sasha’s hands were around his face, gentle but firm as he turned his head to look at Sasha.
“You best. I love, so much. Always. Scared, I did not want…I scared to say ‘This is boyfriend’ and not tell family, not fair to you.”
“Sasha, even if we were boyfriends, I wouldn’t give a shit when you came out to your parents—that’s for you to decide. I would understand.”
Sasha smiled down at him, a tender, small thing, and Jason didn’t know what was happening. His brain was trying to catch up with Sasha—with Sasha loving him, with Sasha wanting to be with him. It didn’t make sense. Jason had beenso sure. But…
“You know I love you, right? You know I do.”
