Page 11 of Crybaby
“Why you laugh?”
“Nothing, nothing, it’s just…never mind, I get what you mean. Okay, I never thought I’d say this, but…let’s go socialise.”
They managed to snag a booth big enough that a group of people joined them not long after. Jason shoved Sasha deeper into the seating so one of the guys could sit next to him while another one settled beside Jason.
They all introduced themselves in a row of names that immediately disintegrated from Jason’s head. The group knew each other from a community queer tennis team, and Jason didn’t even know tennishadteams, which didn’t offend the man beside him so much as amuse him. He kept an eye on Sasha—Jason couldn’t hear what he was saying to the guy next to him, but he was surprisingly relaxed, making the other man laugh easily.
Or maybe it wasn’tthatsurprising—this, ‘coming out’, or whatever, was a big deal in many ways, but Sasha was the most determined person Jason knew, throwing himself into something once he made up his mind to do it. Jason called it stubbornness, while Sasha attributed it to ‘Russian strength.’
Still, he tried not to be too obvious in his concern for Sasha, attempting to keep his focus on what the man next to him was saying. He was good-looking—not exactly appealing when compared to Sasha, but a cookie-cutter type of handsome. Jason was tipsy and warm and when the guy—Travis—asked him to dance, he looked at Sasha and thought it might not be a bad idea to give him some space. This wasn’t something Sasha needed supervision in.
“Hey,” Jason said, nudging Sasha until he turned to look at him. “You good if I go dance?”
Sasha frowned at him, not saying anything.
Jason backtracked quickly. “I mean, it’s totally fine, I can stay with you if you want—”
“No, is okay. I come too with Charlie.”
They all went through the awkward process of scooting out of the booth, heading to the dance floor thick with heat and bodies, swamped with music.
There was a weird knot at the pit of Jason’s stomach that he wanted to just forget about. He wanted Sasha to have a good time, to build a life in which he was free to be himself without fear.
But it was still hard to want without being wanted in return.
Jason tried to lose himself in it, in the beat that buzzed in his chest, in the sway of Travis’s body, in the familiar act of seduction through movement, but he couldn’t help but search for Sasha in the writhing crowd. Always, strangely, Sasha was looking back. Maybe it was too much for him, too much too fast, or—
“Hey.”
Jason looked down at Travis, who was pulling him closer still. Jason grabbed his hips.
“Do I need to work to keep your attention?” Travis teased.
Jason laughed and wasn’t surprised when Travis tilted up to kiss him.
Kissing had always come easy to Jason. He liked being in control, and he was good at it, at keeping things slow when they needed to be, at giving enough to please but not satiate. Travis kept trying to go too fast, too deep, and Jason sank his hand into the hair at the back of Travis’s head and pulled slightly.
The moan he felt Travis make had the pit of Jason’s stomach go tight and molten all at the same time and completely without thinking about it, he looked up, and caught Sasha’s eyes, dark and piercing and, for once, unfathomable.
Jason broke the kiss, unsettled, but he couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe Sasha was just curious—Jason sure as hell would be if this were his first time at a gay bar. Still, he couldn’t do this in front of Sasha, thinking of him while kissing someone else.
“Sorry, fuck, I’m too parched. You mind if we get another drink?”
“Am I making you thirsty?” Travis teased.
Jason forced a laugh, miming a drink at Sasha and pointing at himself and the bar. Sasha nodded, following after them. He managed to squeeze beside Sasha as they waited for their drinks.
“You good?” Jason asked, bumping his elbow against Sasha’s ribs.
Sasha just looked at him, a frown dipping his eyebrows together.
“What is it? Do you wanna go home? We’ve been here a few hours, it’s okay if you’re overwhelmed.”
“No, not go home. You’re having fun.”
“Bud, this isn’t about me—we can come whenever. This is about you tonight, we can go whenever you want.”
“But you’re having fun,” Sasha repeated, eyes darting to Travis.
