Page 66 of Paint Eater
“I’m your son, Mom. Not your puppet. I can’t—I can’t be controlled like a trained animal anymore. Jay is just—yes. I love him. I love him, and I want to be with him because he makes me happy and makes me believe that I canbe someone. That Iamsomeone. He makes me want to…want to do things because I want to do them, because I want to…you think he’s distracting me from the things I should be doing, but you’re wrong. He makes me want to…to live.”
His mom stared at him, brows furrowed. “And I’ve made you not want to live?” she asked a little sardonically.
“You’ve made me not beableto live, Mom. I know that you’ve given me everything you could, but I have to be the one living my life, not you.”
They were silent for a long time, his mom’s expression not giving much away until she sighed, looking very suddenly much older, warier. “I love you, Logan. I hope you know that.”
“I know, Mom. I love you too. But love isn’t enough.”
There was a moment of silence before his mom took a deep breath. “I’ve spent all night trying to figure out a way to get that boy out of your life. Stop paying your school fees? Kick you out?”
Logan said nothing.
“But I can’t stop you from seeing him, can I?”
“No. I can be someone you’re still proud of, Mom, but I can’t sacrifice everything to do that. My friends, my…the people I associate with.Ihave to be the one that chooses that.”
“You’re going to choose the wrong people.”
“Wrong forwhat, Mom? No, never mind. I know that’s what you think. But this is one thing I have to choose for myself. Have a little faith in me.”
“Faith,” his mom scoffed.
“Yeah, Mom, faith. Trust. Have I really turned out so badly?”
His mom just looked at him. For a long, long time, there was nothing but damning silence. And then, to Logan’s surprise—
“Okay.”
Logan blinked. “Okay…?”
“I can see that I can’t stop you from seeing that boy, so I won’t. But this is a compromise. I want you to keep your grades up—the moment they slip—”
“They won’t.”
“Good. And no sleepovers during the school week—you’re to be back by eleven.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Logan stood there, vertigo making his head swim. “You…you won’t stop me from seeing him,” he had to repeat.
“No, Logan. This might surprise you, but this is not going to be the reason I lose you completely.”
Logan swallowed roughly. He realised then, with a sudden, painful clarity, that a part of him had believed she’d disown him the moment he challenged her.
That her love was only surface deep.
With a nod, Logan left, a numb sense of shock and hope mixing inside him.
Distantly, he wondered if he should have challenged his mom far sooner. It didn’t really matter in the end—there was no point in looking back.
**********
Logan was too dazed to call ahead. He found himself in his car, outside of Jay’s apartment, then standing outside his door, knuckles ringing from knocking.
Logan blinked, startled to see Jay’s mom opening the door. A deep sense of shame washed over him—he’d abandoned them without a thought at defying his mom until now.
