Page 49 of Paint Eater
“You fucker,” Logan complained as Jay poked him in the ribs.
Jay laughed, settling against him as they caught their breaths, the breeze cooling their skin.
It was getting a little late, but neither of them moved to get up. Jay turned to Logan. “You know what I think we need?”
Logan raised his eyebrows at him questioningly.
“A good howling session.”
“I’m not having sex with you in an open field.”
There was a slight pause before Jay burst out laughing. “Wow. Think a lot of yourself, huh? Gonna get me howling?”
Logan scoffed. “Shut up. You’re the one who brought it up.”
“I wasn’t talking about sex. Just howling, no dicks involved.”
“You’rea dick.”
“Wow. Good one.”
They shoved at each other until Jay called for mercy.
“I just meant howling. Letting it all out, you know.”
“Lettingwhatout?”
“Everything! All the shit that we keep pushed down inside. Just…” He took a deep breath and let out a long, loud howl. The sound cracked the air and filled it, an echo swelling inside Logan for a moment. When Jay was finished, he looked at Logan, giddy. “You try.”
“I don’t think I need to howl.”
“Man…I’ve never met anybody that needs to howl more than you do.”
Logan frowned, but Jay hadn’t said it like a criticism, just an observation. He sighed. “Fine.” Looking at the sky, he let out a loud, aborted howl.
“Oh, come on,” Jay said. “You can do better thanthat.” He howled again, like he was calling something precious towards him or letting something deep and terrible out.
Logan took a breath, closed his eyes, andhowled. He forced the sound out, everything he’d kept hidden and pent up being released in a dirty rush.
“Hell yes,” Jay said as soon as Logan had run out of breath and voice, leaving something rattling loose inside him. “Again!”
This time they howled together, lying on the grass and looking at the sky until Logan felt that he couldn’t make another sound, that it had all been emptied out of him.
The silence that fell felt thin and fragile, as if it were bracing itself for more wrenching voices.
Logan turned to look at Jay, finding him already staring back.
“Good, right?” Jay asked softly.
Logan nodded. “Yeah. Good.”
*****
It was dark by the time they returned to Jay’s, but Logan wasn’t concerned. His parents were still in Prague, and he fully intended to spend as little time at home as possible until they returned.
His legs were tired as they climbed the stairs, his soul light. Jay’s mom greeted them as they came in and shed their shoes, and they sat around for a while, Logan mostly quiet as he watched Jay tell his mom in rapid-fire what they had done on the trek.
“She’s the one that taught me how to howl,” Jay told Logan.
