Page 82 of Rat Park
“Please.”
“So youwouldn’tbe fine with it! But you’d let me anyway!”
Dominic didn’t reply, looking a little desperately at Flor, who was panting slightly, face flushed with anger. Dominic didn’t know how things had deteriorated so quickly. He’d just arrived less than half an hour ago, and they were already fighting.
He just wanted to keep something that was never meant to be his for as long as he could.
Flor rolled onto his back, pinching the bridge of his nose. Dominic waited for Flor’s anger to rear its head again, bracing himself, but was left completely unprepared as Flor burst into tears.
Panic blinded Dominic for a second at the sight. He sat up slightly, leaning an elbow against a pillow as he hovered his hands over Flor.
“Don’t…don’t…” Dominic didn’t know what to do. He wanted to instruct Flor to stop, to shut it down and revert back to fifteen minutes ago and not have Flor feeling like this.
Dominic didn’t know if he could touch Flor, or if he should stay at all after committing the cardinal sin of making Flor cry. The moment his hand brushed tentatively over Flor’s wrists, hands still pressed against his crying face, Flor rolled over to his side and clung to Dominic.
Dominic felt weak with relief as he collapsed on the bed again and Flor clung to him, crying into his neck.
“You don’t deserve that!” Flor choked out, his voice rough and wet with sobs. Dominic was almost awed at Flor’s capacity to so suddenly, openly cry, his whole body shaking with it as if it hadn’t learnt to be afraid of the emotion ripping through it.
Dominic shushed Flor softly, wrapping his arms around him and practically clinging back. Flor pulled away only a minute after, however, frowning at Dominic. His face was wet, nose blocked up, eyes almost glowing from the mixture of anger and beseechment.
“How would you feel if I let someone do that to me, Dominic? If I were in a relationship and I let them cheat on me?” Flor implored. Dominic tensed at the very prospect.
“I’d kill them,” Dominic growled.
“That’s how I feel! Of course I’m not sleeping with anybody but you! We’re in a relationship!” Flor panted for a few seconds before gripping the sides of Dominic’s face. “Dominic,please, you need to take care of yourself because I can’t do it on my own. I’m going to make mistakes, I’m going to…oh God.” Flor’s face crumpled into tears again.
Dominic pulled him forwards again with a soft, shushing sound, but Flor was pulling away just a few seconds after.
“Please, okay? Please. Don’t let me do anything to you that you wouldn’t do to me. I don’t want to hurt you.” The last sentence came out quiet and broken, a plea.
“Okay,” Dominic said, desperate to wipe that look from Flor’s face.
“On your honour. You need to promise to help me take care of you.”
“Okay, okay.”
“Say it,” Flor insisted.
“On my honour. I…I promise to help you take care of me,” Dominic said.
Flor looked at him for a few seconds as if to verify his seriousness before collapsing on top of Dominic again.
Dominic wrapped his arms around him readily, pulling him close. He felt like he’d just stumbled out of a boat that had been tossed around by waves. He felt sick and dizzy but relieved, too, because if what Flor was saying was true then he hadn’t slept with anybody else and wouldn’t for as long as they were together.
Dominic felt Flor calm down in his arms, counting his heartbeats as if it would help to bring Flor back down.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Flor said quietly, pressing the words into the skin over Dominic’s heart.
Dominic felt a lurch of guilt because he’d done little more than make Flor upset since he’d arrived.
“Don’t argue with me,” Flor said, pinching Dominic’s side. Dominic twitched.
“I didn’t say anything!”
“I felt it.” There was a pause and then, softly, so softly that even if someone else had been nearby, it would have been clear these words were only for them, Flor said, “I’m always glad when you’re with me.”
Dominic wrapped his arms a little tighter around Flor. He closed his eyes and tried to live in the impossible world Flor depicted.
