Page 53 of Rat Park
Another knock sounded as Dominic dried his hands slowly to stall for time, trying to calm his racing heart.
“I know you’re in there!” Flor’s muffled but loud voice called out.
Dominic took a deep breath, preparing himself, before heading to the door. Flor didn’t wait to be invited inside, pushing his way into the apartment as soon as it was open. Dominic closed the door softly before turning to look at Flor, who was standing between his living room and kitchen in a fighting stance. Legs wide, feet planted, hands on his hips. His coat puffed up around his shoulders, but it didn’t detract from the glare in his eyes.
They stood for a moment, looking at each other before Flor huffed.
“Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?” Flor said, making a wide gesture with one hand.
Dominic remained silent. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say, but this only seemed to anger Flor more.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Flor demanded as if the answer weren’t completely obvious. The memory of it cut through Dominic’s bones.
“I don’t want to do this,” Dominic’s mouth said. Flor glared.
“Well, tough! We’re having this conversation whether you want to or—”
“No. I meant. I don’t want to dothis,” Dominic said, gesturing between them. Flor paused, his mouth gaping for a moment.
“This?What’sthis?”
“This. Us. Us, together.”
For a long moment, Flor just stared at him. His hands dropped to the side. Doubt rippled across his face.
“You’re scared. You’re just saying that because you’re—”
“The reason doesn’t matter. I don’t want to do this, and that’s the truth.” Dominic forced his voice to stay steady. “I don’t want to do this with you.”
Flor stared at him. Dominic could see the hurt there, deep and real, before Flor’s expression shut off in a way Dominic had never seen before.
Dominic couldn’t breathe for a second. He couldn’t breathe, or speak, even if he wanted to take it back, even if all he wanted to do was—
“Fine,” Flor said, his voice flat. He looked at Dominic and there was nothing there.
Dominic stepped out of the way as Flor walked towards the door. His stomach felt sick and small. He wanted to reach out, but his hands and his legs and his soul were lead, and he was sinking into the ground.
Flor opened the door. He paused just once, only for a moment, a twitch in time. And then he was gone.
**********
It was pathetic how quickly Dominic slipped up. It was as if the world had been waiting for him, as if it had colluded with his body, biding its time until it had an excuse to strike.
A month ago, Dominic would have turned around the moment he saw Prince. Instead, his legs carried him towards the other man, cut off from his silent brain, his shrieking conscience.
“Nickie!” Prince exclaimed as soon as he spotted Dominic, face lighting up with a smile. Dominic managed something like a smile back.
“Hey, Prince. How’s it going?” Dominic greeted as they clapped hands and then pulled towards each other, one shoulder bumping against the other.
“Good, man. Sorry about what happened last time. You get in trouble?” Prince said sheepishly. Dominic shook his head.
“Nah. You all right?”
“Yeah, yeah, ’sall good. Let me make it up to you, though, man. Did you change your number? Couldn’t get hold of you after that.”
“Sorry, don’t know what happened. Let’s hang out.”
Dominic didn’t let himself think of anything beyond that.
