Page 93 of Rat Park
“You married to this boy?”
“No.”
“Is it serious?”
“Yeah, Mom. It’s serious.”
“Well. Good. I’m glad.”
Silence fell again, a little less uncomfortable this time. Dominic waited for her to ask to meet Flor, or to see Dominic, at least, but she didn’t. Even though Dominic had no desire to see her, it still hurt.
“Well. I. I have to go, but. I’m glad you’re doing good. I just wanted…I just wanted to make sure.”
“Okay.” Dominic didn’t ask if she was clean. He was too afraid to know.
“Okay. Bye, Nickie. Maybe—maybe I’ll call you again some time. If that’s all right.”
“Sure. I’ll save your number.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, Mom.”
“Bye, Nickie.”
Dominic stood in his kitchen for a long time, too stunned to move. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. It was like when he was a child and could take a step back from his emotions, muffle them so they were like a conversation in another room.
Flor found him like that, still leaning against the counter and staring at the floor, a whole hour later. Dominic managed to turn around to greet him, but he must have looked like he felt, because Flor’s eyebrows immediately lowered in concern.
“Dominic? What is it, what happened?” Flor asked. Dominic raised the phone in his hand as if that would communicate everything. Flor looked at it in confusion before stepping close, wrapping a hand around Dominic’s arm. “What?”
“I. My mom. Called,” Dominic managed to choke out. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling like this, like there were termites in the floorboards of his soul, and he was about to cave in.
Flor’s face cleared of confusion, but the concern remained. “Hey, here. Come on, let’s sit down.”
Flor guided Dominic’s numb and buzzing body to the couch. They sat down together, and Flor took the phone still gripped in Dominic’s hand, putting it on the coffee table. He didn’t say anything, cupping the side of Dominic’s face, rubbing a thumb under his eye.
Suddenly, Dominic felt exhausted. Felt like he’d been carrying a weight around all his life that had just made itself known. Dominic collapsed forwards and Flor was there to catch him, tucking Dominic’s face against his neck and pressing him close. Dominic clung to Flor.
In that moment, Dominic truly understood what it was like to not be alone.
Dominic didn’t cry, wasn’t even close to doing so, really, but his body was shaking as if the adrenaline was only just realizing it had worn off. Flor stroked his hands across Dominic’s shorn scalp and the expanse of his back. The storm rained down, and rained, and just when things were beginning to flood it stopped. Slowly, raindrop by raindrop, it quieted down, leaving Dominic still in Flor’s arms, feeling like he could breathe again.
Dominic untangled himself from Flor slowly, suddenly embarrassed for the display, even if he knew he was safe to show Flor that side of himself.
“Sorry,” Dominic croaked, a reflex. Flor just leaned forward, kissing Dominic gently on the cheek.
Dominic closed his eyes, muscles loosening.
“What did your mom want?” Flor asked quietly.
Dominic shook his head. “Nothing. Just. To check up on me. See how I was doing.”
“Must have been a shock to hear her voice.”
“Yeah. It’s been…more than ten years.”
“How did she get your number?”
