Page 85 of Rat Park
“Unlikely? Yeah. But, there’s no perfect formula for getting an addict out of using. I went in there thinking I didn’t care, but that’s the first thing they called bullshit on. And from that moment on it was just…the therapy was just right for me. I clicked with one of the doctors, it all just…came together. Didn’t make it less difficult, but.”
“Did you ever relapse?”
“Of course I did. Damn, come on, son. But I get back on my feet. I’m almost thirty-three years sober now.”
“Jesus.”
“And damn proud of it, too. I’m done comparing myself to non-addicts. They don’t know what it’s like, and they shouldn’t, either. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”
“I…yeah. Do you…are you married? Or—”
“Yep. To one hell of a woman. Love of my life. Got two kids, too. I haven’t had a drop of anything since they were born.”
“Congrats, man. That…sounds incredible.”
“Yeah. And who would have thought, huh? If that friend hadn’t pushed me, or that doctor hadn’t refused to take any of my shit, or if I hadn’t fought every day for forty years now since I first got sober.…There’s a way out of all that. And that’s something we can show people. I didn’t get out of all that ’cause a judge told me to. I got out of it ’cause of my community. And rehabilitation isn’t just for addicts—fuck that. It’s about finding people who’re doing desperate things ’cause of the situation they’re in and helping them get the fuck out.”
Dominic got caught easily in the tide of Captain’s sturdy vehemence, agreeing to set up a series of talks to the community about their experiences and how changes in the treatment of prisoners and ex-prisoners could decrease the rate of relapse and reoffence, and how Cat as Sherriff could help with that.
He walked home instead of taking the bus afterwards, wanting to clear his head. He felt like something he’d been refusing to acknowledge had finally clicked. He understood now why his flippant use of the word ‘junkie’, the insinuations he made with it, pissed so many people off. Why Flor got so angry with him sometimes for using his addiction as an excuse for being treated like shit and not giving a damn.
Dominic fished his phone out of his pocket, lighting it up and unlocking it. He looked at his background picture, one Flor had set up but Dominic hadn’t thought to touch. It was of them, faces pressed together, Flor making a scrunched-up face at the camera whilst Dominic’s profile stared at Flor, a smile a suggestion on his lips. Dominic took a deep breath.
He hadn’t expected hope to be this frightening.
**********
Flor
i need to pee but i dont want to get up help meee
Dominic
You’re on your own with that one.
Flor
MEAN
okay done i had to leave my nest of warmth i hope youre happy
Dominic
I’m crying on the inside.
How is class?
Flor
uuuuurgh group work two of them refuse to pull their weight its like WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN PREMED HOW DID YOU GET THIS FAR!!!!!!
Dominic
Tell the teacher.
Flor
lol are u telling me to narc on them?
