Page 17 of All That Has Flown Beyond
“Oh my God.”
“Why are you taking this date so seriously?” Kaiyo asked.
Ahmik’s brow furrowed. “Sorry for trying,” he mumbled.
Kaiyo squeezed his hand. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way really. It’s just…it’s you and me, you know? We’ve hung out a million times before.”
“Yeah, but this is different.”
“How?”
“’Cause we’re going out now.”
“So?”
“So. It’s different.”
“Oh my God. Dude. Look, this is nice. I’ve had fun. But…we’re still us. We’re a team. Pack. Friends. And, yeah, now we’re boyfriends, but we’re still us. Let’s just be…us. With more kissing.”
They stopped in front of the car. Ahmik snorted, but Kaiyo could tell he’d relaxed.
“Okay,” Ahmik said, lifting his free hand to press it to the nape of Kaiyo’s neck, scent marking him there.
“Mmm, that feels good,” Kaiyo exaggerated, laughing as Ahmik dropped his hand. “Put it back!” Kaiyo demanded.
With a roll of his eyes, Ahmik did as he was told. Kaiyo grinned at him.
“You big softy,” Kaiyo said, leaning up to kiss him. Ahmik kissed him back, pulling him closer. They smiled into the kiss.
When they pulled away, Ahmik pressed his nose against Kaiyo’s hair.
It had felt like they were just another teenage couple navigating the waters of their first relationship together.
**********
The start of the new school year dragged Kaiyo forward almost against his will.
He returned to college already exhausted at the prospect of life there. He had a self-contained loft for himself at least, making it easier to avoid people.
The lectures all seemed to blur together. It wasn’t worth buying any of the textbooks. He wasn’t doing the reading anyway.
He started failing his tests, a domino effect that sucked any remaining motivation out of him. He would wake up exhausted and simply lie in bed, missing one class after the other. Some of the people whom he had hung out with the previous year texted him, but forming words was too tiresome to conceive.
Nothing could reach him. There was no anxiety. No loss. No grief. There was a cocoon around him, and he was the hollow space inside.
**********
With the hindsight gained from adulthood, Kaiyo could see the care that Ahmik took with Kaiyo as the sexual aspect of their relationship progressed was admirable. As a sixteen-year-old boy, Kaiyo wasn’t in a position to be appreciative.
His body was a useless bag of hormones with a hot werewolf for a boyfriend. The fact that Kaiyo knew Ahmik wanted him, and was holding back in some misguided instinct of legality and caution, only doubled the frustration. If Kaiyo thought Ahmik wasn’t ready, he’d have no problem backing off, but Ahmik’s patronizing micromanaging of Kaiyo’s decision-making got old quickly.
They were on the couch, Kaiyo straddling Ahmik’s prone body. They had been kissing for endless minutes, their mouths red and sore. Kaiyo could feel the thrumming of his pulse everywhere.
“Slow down,” Ahmik gasped as their crotches pressed together. Kaiyo groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Again?”
“We should…I have to—we should talk about it first.”
