Page 71 of All That Has Flown Beyond
“We have a pack house,” Ahmik interrupted. “It’s just me there, but…it’s not bad.”
Kaiyo looked at Ahmik, feeling warmth bloom inside. Ahmik was like Lars in a lot of ways. Led by instincts of fear but, at his core, simply wanting to protect what he was afraid to lose.
“Okay,” Lars said eventually. Kaiyo could tell he didn’t trust the offer completely, seeming too good to be true, but if he was loyal to the pack, the invitation would pay for itself.
In the following week, Lars was integrated into the pack. He was introduced to the rest of the members, and they would often eat all together in the pack house, a side effect Kaiyo was glad of. Lars stuck close to Amaya or, ironically, Ahmik. It was hard to get him out of his shell, but the potential was there.
“What do you think?” Ahmik asked Kaiyo after one of the dinners, everybody else having already left except Lars, who had retreated to his bedroom.
“Well, it’s not really my place to say much, seeing as this isn’t my pack, but…I think he’ll make a good addition,” Kaiyo said.
They sat on the porch, looking out at the starlit night. Now, however, Ahmik turned to look at Kaiyo, his face serious. Kaiyo turned to him, raising his eyebrows.
“What?” Kaiyo asked.
Ahmik looked at him for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he said eventually, his voice quiet in the night air. Kaiyo frowned.
“For…?”
“For…for what happened. For…”
Kaiyo tensed, looking away and into the shadows of the forest. “That’s in the past now.”
“I…maybe. But. I just. Kaiyo, I was trying to protect you. I…”
“I know that,” Kaiyo shrugged. He turned back to look at Ahmik. “So what? What does it matter if you were doing it to protect me? You broke my heart. You took my family away from me. You, of all people, should know what that means.”
“You would have died if you had stayed here, Kaiyo.”
“I almost died anyway,” Kaiyo couldn’t help but say. Ahmik tensed beside him. Kaiyo laughed ruefully, shaking his head. “You didn’t believe in me. That I would manifest, that I could—”
“No. No, Kaiyo, that’s not true. I knew you would manifest. It wasyouwho didn’t believe that. You were so…you were always putting yourself in harm’s way. Unnecessarily. I don’t want to…I’m trying to apologize, but you have to understand what that did to us. We tried talking to you a million times. Nothing worked. Again and again we had to watch you get injured and every time we wondered if that would be the time that finally…” Ahmik shook his head.
“Maybe there was something else we could have done,” Ahmik went on quietly. “I don’t know. What I do know is that it’sbecauseI believed in you that I forced you to leave. You say you almost died but…youwouldhave if you had stayed. And I’m sorry for the pain that caused you. For not being able to help you any other way. But…I just don’t know what else I could have done,” Ahmik confessed.
Kaiyo took a deep breath. He had known, in a way, the reasons behind his exile. It was just difficult to reconcile that with what it had cost him. Was the price he had paid a consequence of his own actions instead of Ahmik’s?
“What’s done is done, Ahmik. What more is there to say?”
“I…I want us to be friends,” Ahmik said suddenly, the words coming out like they had burst from him. “I know we can’t return to…but, fuck. Kaiyo, we were…”
Kaiyo didn’t want to hear about what they had been. How deep their friendship had run. Their love.
“I don’t know if…”
“Let’s try. Just…I know things can’t be the same, but. We can have something…new.”
Kaiyo closed his eyes. He felt the land thrum around him. He had his own fears to contend with. He was afraid he was offering another piece of skin to be wounded. But Ahmik was right. The situations weren’t the same. He had been a reckless teenager then, completely ignorant of his own worth and the need to respect it. And he couldn’t deny the idea of having something new with Ahmik made his stomach clench with want.
“Okay,” Kaiyo said eventually.
“Okay,” Ahmik repeated, voice suffused with relief.
Even if he were to use his divination powers, Kaiyo wouldn’t know if he was making a mistake.
Only time would tell.
**********
