Page 59 of In This Iron Ground
They sat as they reached the plateau, familiar from the first of Damien’s hikes through the forest, during the Spring Equinox what felt like a million years ago.
“What can you smell?” Damien asked teasingly, an echo from the past.
Hakan looked at him. “The birds. The forest. The earth. You.”
“That last one must be the best,” Damien joked. Hakan looked contemplative. “So, tell me about your adventure then.” Damien went on before Hakan could reply. “What’s it like?”
“It’s been…it’s hard to describe. Exciting. Scary. Lonely. Interesting. Overwhelming.”
“Are the classes good?”
“Some. There’s a lot of entry-level stuff so there’s a lot of easy stuff to the point of boring. But there are some that are pretty amazing.”
“What about the people? I know you’ve told me about a few of your friends, but…”
“I’m not good with people,” Hakan said.
Damien snorted. That wasn’t strictly true. Hakan was easily overwhelmed by people outside the pack, but he wasn’t especially shy or overly talkative like Damien was.
“It’s been interesting,” Hakan went on. “It’s been…yeah.” He looked away, awkward, and Damien knew exactly what he was thinking.
The moment was almost calming. Knowing that Hakan, who had always seemed to feel a little overshadowed by his family’s outgoing energy, was flourishing in the wild landscape of college. Damien didn’t have it in him to be jealous or hurt. Or if he was, it was overshadowed easily by love.
“Man, you can talk to me about sex and stuff. What happened—that stuff, it’s in the past.” Damien didn’t phrase it as ‘I’m over it’, knowing Hakan would sense the lie. But the possibility of what Damien had been hoping for, the pining for it, really was in the past.
“It’s been…interesting. People are very, well, they’re very…”
“Let me guess. You’re beating them off with a stick. No pun intended.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Hakan replied, rolling his eyes.
“I’m sorry to break this to you Hakan, but you’re not that horrible to look at. Some may say that you’re even attractive.”
“Is that why you kissed me?” Hakan said. Damien froze. He could tell Hakan regretted the words as soon as he said them, but Damien breathed through them.
“Yep. You got me. I don’t even like you that much. I just hang around you for your sick bod. Man, those pecs!” Damien said, poking Hakan’s chest. Hakan turned away from him, grumbling, but there was a smile tilting his lips. “It’s not like you’re my best friend and saved my life and are the reason I have a real home. It’s not like you’re part of everything good in my life. Idiot.” There was as much pain as there was relief in those words. The release of them was cathartic.
Hakan looked at him, serious. Damien looked back. Even if Hakan didn’t return his feelings, it felt good to love somebody. To have someone in his life good enough to warrant that.
Damien broke the moment by punching Hakan in the arm. “I know I’m a catch, but you gotta move on from me, man. Leave the past in the past,” Damien said with false joviality. Hakan snorted. “If you won’t tell me about your wild sexcapades, then tell me more about your lessons. Nerd.”
After a moment, Hakan smiled at him. Damien could feel something repair. Be put to rest.
As Hakan talked, it was almost like old times. Like they were back in his room, sharing space together.
Almost.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Don’t drink too much. And. No. Drugs,” Olive said.
Damien rolled his eyes, looking at her from the passenger seat of the car. She was driving them to a party, the first that Olive had invited Damien along to, although he knew she went to them regularly. A few years ago, the lack of invite would have sliced Damien up. Now, however, he could see it was just Olive’s strange brand of protectiveness, much like her warning words a moment before.
“Okay, Mom,” Damien said as sarcastically as possible.
“Don’t sass me. I’m not fucking you up.”
“Dude, stop being a drama queen, jeez. Smoking is going to fuck me up? Really?You’resaying that?”
