Page 49 of In This Iron Ground
Damien’s eyes burned.
“Okay,” he said simply.
He was too old to cry about this. Sometimes, he felt like life had weathered him into a shape beyond his years. Others, it was like he was stuck at ten years old, with fears that belonged to another age.
“Come here,” Mia said, pulling him into a hug.
“As if anything could keep you away from us, doofus,” Koko said. Damien choked on a laugh against Mia’s shoulder.
“Damien, I love you very much. We all love you. You must know that,” Mia said.
Damien felt all the air in his chest be squeezed out. “I…” He couldn’t say it, it was too big. And, yet, “I love you too.” The words came out of the core of him.
Mia squeezed him tight. “Unless you want to go, we are not letting you go,” Mia said quietly.
Damien closed his eyes and tried to believe her.
*****
“I guess you heard all that?” Damien asked as Hakan’s door closed behind him.
Hakan shrugged, sitting cross-legged on his desk chair. “Sorry. I just…wanted to make sure nothing serious had happened.”
“That wasn’t serious?”
There was a pause. “I get that it was serious to you.”
“But not to you.”
“Well…you got caught smoking. Not even that—caught near someone who was smoking. Like…I mean, I get that you don’t like getting into trouble.”
“You make me sound like a square.”
“Okay, grandpa.”
“Shut up,” Damien said, throwing himself on Hakan’s bed. There was another stretch of silence.
“You know we’re not letting you go, right?” Hakan asked quietly.
Damien stared at the ceiling. “I get that you guys believe that now. But…you don’t know.”
“Know what? What is there to find out that you think would make us, what, kick you out?” Hakan said, frustration bleeding into his voice.
Damien chewed on his lip. “I don’t know how to put it into words, man. It’s just, like…the way of the world. You don’t…you belong here in a way I don’t. It’s just the way it is. You were born into this family. You have a pack bond. It’s like…okay, it’s like your Ousía is tied to your family. That’s a hard bond to break. Mine isn’t. It just isn’t. All I’ve got is words. Do you get how easy those are to break? It’s, like, physics. One thing is stronger than the other, and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. You can tell me all day long that foam is stronger than rock, but it’s not. It just isn’t.” Damien closed his eyes in the following quiet.
“I think that’s a false equivalence, D. Like…take people who, like, okay, like in places where homosexuals can’t get married. Their relationships aren’t less than the heterosexuals who can and do get married. That tie, that contract or whatever, the fact that it’s more difficult to dissolve one than the other, doesn’t actually make the bond of the marriage stronger than the bond of the relationship that doesn’t include marriage. This isn’t rocks and foam. This is—people. We love you, and—”
“Okay. Jesus, stop,” Damien said, running his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath. “I get what you’re saying.”
“But you don’t agree.”
“I don’t disagree with your theory.”
“But—”
“It’s not that easy. I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s just not that easy. I can’tmakemyself believe. I’m, like, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. Can we drop it?”
Damien closed his eyes, pressing his palms against them. He heard Hakan sigh slowly.
