Page 38 of In This Iron Ground
“Shit,” he said, calling the foster home and quickly explaining whilst Hakan typed on his phone, no doubt to Mia. Damien looked at Hakan guiltily when they were both done. “Sorry,” Damien said again, more sincerely this time.
Hakan sighed. “It’s okay. I mean, please don’t do that again, but…” He trailed off, looking down. Slowly, softly, he raised his fingers and pressed them slightly against the back of Damien’s hand.
They stayed there for a moment in the silence of the forest before the touch was broken. Hakan settled beside Damien with another sigh.
“We should probably go back,” Hakan said.
“Yeah. They’re expecting me.” Damien chewed nervously at his lip. Neither of them moved.
“Did something happen?” Hakan asked quietly.
“Not really,” Damien mumbled, grabbing another leaf to shred. He saw Hakan turn his head towards him from the corner of his eye.
“Damien…” Hakan said. Damien sighed, trying to hold the news in, but now that the opportunity to rant about it had presented itself he could hardly hold back.
“Your parents want to foster me!” he burst out, an almost physical relief. The idea sounded even more ridiculous from his own lips.
Hakan froze, staring at Damien before frowning slightly. Both pain and relief at Hakan being on the same page hit Damien. But then, “You don’t want to live with us.” Hakan’s voice was small and, Damien realized,hurt.
“Don’t say it like that,” Damien spluttered. “Obviously, I mean, obviously I—” he choked on the phraselove you guys, even said casually. “Obviously you guys are great. But it just, it can’t happen!”
“Why?” Hakan asked.
Damien stared at him incredulously, his whole body shifting sideways so that his shoulder was pressing against the tree. “Youknowwhy.”
“No, Damien, I don’t. You can talk a lot sometimes, but I never know what you’re thinking,” Hakan said, frowning at him.
Damien opened his mouth, a disbelieving chunk of air coming out. How could that be true? Damien felt like he was barely able to keep his thoughts contained somewhere safe. “Hakan, come on. Just, come on, dude.”
Hakan frowned harder. Damien put his head in his hands in frustration. There was a moment of tense silence before Damien jerked up suddenly, alight with an idea.
“You can help me!” he said, grinning at Hakan.
“Help you with what?” he asked cautiously.
“Help me explain to your mom why I can’t go live with you guys,” Damien said.
Hakan closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. “Okay…how about youtell mewhy you can’t come, and I’ll tell Mom,” Hakan suggested.
Damien nodded. At least Hakan was going to be helpful. Damien searched for a way to express the obviousness of it all before another idea hit him. “Okay. You know how you never talk to me in school? Just tell her why,” Damien said brightly.
Hakan stared at him. “I don’t…what are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on, you know! I mean, obviously we don’t run in the same ‘circles’, so it’s not like we would ever hang out in school or whatever, but it’s like how you talk to Koko or eat with her sometimes or whatever but, you know, you’d never do that with me cause I’m, like, you know,” he waved his hand up and down, signalling his whole self, “a spaz.”
Hakan looked at him blankly, like he had never seen Damien before.
“You. Are not. Aspaz,” Hakan said forcefully.
Damien leaned away slightly before rolling his eyes and sighing explosively. “Oh my God…call it whatever. The point is, can’t you just explain it to your mom in your own words?” Silence fell. Damien watched Hakan lean fully against the tree trunk, staring at his hands cradled in his lap.
“I’m sorry,” Hakan said quietly. Damien frowned.
“For…? What?”
“I didn’t even think. I mean, yeah, I guess, before you met Olive I didn’t really see you with anyone and you didn’tmentionanybody but you just…I don’t know. You seem in your own world, I didn’t even think and you never…why didn’t youtellme it bothered you?”
“Um, ’cause it doesn’t?” Damien said truthfully.
