Page 101 of In This Iron Ground
“Yeah. I hope so. I mean, yes. It is.”
Hakan smiled at him. “I’m glad.”
The quiet of the forest settled around them.
“Hakan…did you miss the pack a lot, when you first came?” Damien asked as the question drifted into his head.
“Yeah. It was tough. I didn’t expect it to be so hard, to be honest. But…just, the lack of…I couldn’t sense the land like I can back home. And it’s not like I can tell where my pack members are or what they’re doing or feeling or whatever, but it’s like a presence. Like, having someone next to you and feeling their warmth. You don’t know anything else about them, but you know they’rethere.
“And it’s not really about the amount of distance, but not touching or scent marking them for such a long time diminishes the, like…strength of the bond, I guess? Like, you’re not nurturing it or something and it’s just…like, you’re in a new place doing something you’ve never done before with all this new responsibility andon topof that, there’s the bond thing? It was tough.”
Damien looked down between their bodies. “I’m sorry. For…I kind of…”
“I get it. I mean…I’m sorry too. For, just—”
“You don’t have to apologize for that. You didn’t want the kiss, you shouldn’t have accepted the kiss.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No, no buts. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now,” Damien said. Hakan didn’t look convinced. “The full moon is in a few days,” Damien said, changing the subject. Hakan hummed in agreement. “Should we invite Nasir?” Damien teased.
Hakan growled, half-moon shifting, although Damien could tell it was in jest. Damien ran his fingers through the elongated muzzle, the grown hair, looking into Hakan’s bright eyes.
When Hakan shifted back he was smiling slightly. Damien pressed closer, into the smell of moss and grass and him.
**********
Damien had failed the test. He had failed the test.
He’d known, he’d known—he’d been distracted this week with projects for other classes and a document Nova had sent him. Had felt bad about not hanging out with his friends for two weeks and had gone out with them despite knowing he needed the time to study for the test.
He used the key Hakan had given him a few weeks ago, for convenience’s sake, to open up Hakan’s apartment, cursing himself. It was just one test, but…
“What happened?”
Damien looked up to see Hakan walking to meet him, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“Nothing,” Damien said, taking off his shoes. He didn’t want to talk about his failures, but Hakan moved closer, ignoring Damien.
“What’s wrong? Damien—”
“Hakan!” He bit off the rest of his protest. He couldn’t deal with an argument now. He forced himself to talk, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. It had been a mistake to go to Hakan’s when he was feeling like that. “I failed a test, okay?”
“Oh. Well…it’s just one test, right? I’m sure it won’t impact your overall grade that much.”
“I know it’s just a test! That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”
Hakan stepped in front of Damien, lifting his hands to hold Damien’s arms. Damien fought not to move away. He needed space, but he didn’t want to offend Hakan.
“Just, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
“Damien…”
“Just, it’s fine,” Damien grit out, trying to push the anxiety down, bury it deep. He’d lost practice, however. He’d been letting himself feel things for too long.
“But if it’s upsetting you—”
“Jesus.” Damien couldn’t take it anymore. He yanked himself from Hakan’s hands, moving towards the living room. He heard Hakan follow after him. “You don’t have to make a big deal about everything. You always treat me like I’m some, like I’m just going to break at every little thing.”
