Page 4 of Sicken of the Calm
It takes a moment for him toreact. For a few seconds, he just stares at me, and I can see the surpriserearrange the little muscles of his face – his eyebrows and his mouth, the skinaround his eyes. He sits up, turning toward me. Our knees are almost touching.
“I feel like the seventeenassumptions you’ve made about me during the course of this conversation is kindof undercutting your gay rights speech,” I say, even though all my muscles havelocked up in anticipation of his reaction. He gapes at me for a moment beforecoming to life, his limbs spasming wildly.
“Ok, first of all, I’ve madetwoassumptions-”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Secondof all – come on!You, you – I’m just surprised.”
“Why?”
“’Cause. You just…”
“Don’t seem gay?” I sayneutrally. He frowns.
“That’s not what I was gonnasay!” he protests. I raise my eyebrows. “It wasn’t! I mean, come on. In school,you just, I never saw you with a guy and, I mean…you just didn’t – I meanobviously you don’t have to go around telling everybody but I just never…withthe football team and everything…” he trails off, and I feel guilt piercethrough. I look down again, clenching my hands. I hear his mouth snap shut.
“Fuck, I reallydomake alot of assumptions,” he says after a moment. I don’t reply. “Ok, clarificationtime. You’re…like, is there a label you apply to yourself or…?”
“Bi.”
“Ah. Ok. Cool. Cool cool cool,” hebabbles. I snort, looking at him through my eyelashes, not ready to fully facehim yet. He’s still peering at me. “So…have you ever, like, done anything witha guy?” he blurts out. I feel myself clam up instantly. He lifts his hands,palms toward me.
“Sorry, totally inappropriate,don’t murder me. Fuck, I just had aGame of Thronesflashback. Thoseeyebrows are lethal,” he says. I roll my eyes, but my limbs are still tense.
I want to say something. Can feelthe shape of the words in my mouth, heavy. I suddenly have an odd awareness ofmy skin, like it’s hot without heat, but there’s no one here to guide my handsto fur. The moment passes.
“Sorry, man. That was a stupidthing to ask, I don’t know why I even…Should we, um, get back to it?” he asksawkwardly, signalling to the laptop even though we only stopped a few minutesago. I shrug, nodding. We stare at the screen for a moment before he bumps hisshoulder against mine. I turn to look at him, my stomach churning like I’veleft something unfinished. He smiles at me with his mouth and his open, whiskyeyes. My stomach settles slightly.
I can’t help but smile back.
**********
Me
Did you get the emailfrom the anthro prof?
Gotta do a table forthe project
I look at the text,disproportionally nervous for the innocuousness of it. It’s the first text I’vesent Ezra.
Ezra
Joaquin?
Me
Yeah
Ezra
dont u have whatsapp?
Me
What the hell is whatsapp?
Ezra
