Page 45 of Sicken of the Calm
“Yeah,” he says, his usual socialenergy absent. I frown, at a loss as to what’s happening.
“Oh my God, so gruesome,” one ofthe girls in the group is saying, and Ezra turns to look at her, practicallygiving us his back. “I heard they were missing their organs or something. Whatthe fuck?” she says, and Ezra lets himself be pulled into a discussion aboutthe string of murders in the town on the other side of the Mallowston forest. Ifeel like all the wind has been taken from my sails, leaving me flappinguselessly in the blue. I look at Iva, and she’s giving me her patented ‘you’rea clueless idiot’ look.
I’m utterly lost.
Thankfully, King removes himselffrom me, but the relief is short-lived as he goes to stand on Ezra’s otherside, and now it’s my turn to look at them as Ezra tilts his head up slightlyto hear whatever it is King is saying, their faces close. I’m snapped out of mycreepy staring as Iva comes to stand right in front of me, looking up to giveme a hard stare.
“Maybe next time I convince Ezrato come to a freaking football-frat party, don’t show up with another guyhumping you. And King, of all people! Seriously, Joaquin, if I didn’t know youbetter I’d think you were doing it on purpose,” she says lowly. I feel my scowldeepen.
“What do you mean, King of allpeople? He’s a teammate. What was I supposed to do, kick him in the face the momenthe touched me? And he wasn’thumpingme.”
“First of all, King is bi-”
“What!?”
“Secondly, he has a crush onyou-”
“Wait, What!?”
“And I’m pretty sure he and Ezrahave hooked up.”
“What!?” I whisperharshly, looking over at where Ezra and King are still talking. They arestanding unnecessarily close together, it’s not even that loud out here, theycould just-
“Joaquin, I love you, but you aretruly the biggest idiot, sometimes,” Iva says, and I can’t even argue with her.I’ve been on the same team as King for three years, him being a year older thanme, and I had no idea he was anything other than straight, let alone wasinterested in me. Unbidden, my past interactions with him come to mind. All thetimes he’s invited me out, the tactile way he’s with me, the way he alwaysfinds me at a party.
“Fuck,” I say.
“And there it is,” Iva snorts,shaking her head.
“How do you know they’ve hookedup?” I ask her, probably latching onto the wrong thing.
“Because my hair is full ofsecrets,” she smirks, fluffing up her already voluminous hair.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only answer you’regonna get. Now go rescue your boyfriend before Ken-doll gobbles him up.”
“He’s not my – oh, whatever,” Imutter, Iva having already turned away from me. I clutch at my solo-cup, almostcausing the contents to spill over, before walking stiffly to where Ezra andKing are murmuring sweet nothings to each other.
“Ezra, can I talk to you?” I say,wincing at my awkwardly loud voice. From the corner of my eye, I see Iva closeher eyes like she’s in pain. I ignore her as Ezra and King, and a few peoplearound them, turn to look at me.
“Um, ok,” Ezra says, lookingsuitably confused. King is looking between Ezra and me and I feel a perversesatisfaction at the assumptions he’s making. Truth is, he’s an innocentbystander caught in the blast of my overreaction to a situation I had been waytoo unobservant to see coming, but I don’t have enough space in my head rightnow to care.
I turn around and start walking,hoping that Ezra will follow. I stop once we’ve reached the fringes of thecrowd, almost to the wooden fence that pens the area in. I turn around,relieved to see Ezra stop a few paces from me. He’s looking at me wearily. Idon’t blame him.
“What was that?” I blurt, feelingthe frown on my face. Ezra raises his eyebrows.
“You’re the one that asked totalk, Joaquin. You tell me.”
“Why did you say we know eachother because of Anthro?” I ask because, in the midst of everything that hasbeen revealed in the past five minutes, that’s the question that’s burning thehardest.
“Because thatishow wemet,” Ezra says evasively.
“Yeah, but, that’s not all…”
“Oh, you wanted me to tell himthat we’re-”
“I thought we were friends,” Isay, and it shuts him up immediately. The moment I say it out loud, though, Irealize how pathetically childish it sounds, like I’m telling him off for notinviting me to his 7thbirthday party. I look away from him,clenching my fists. The truth is, I don’t have many friends; not people who Ireally let in like I’ve let in Ezra, and for him to diminish all our timetogether to a university project had dealt a blow that’s still bleeding.
