Page 27 of Sicken of the Calm
“Interested in doing it to me?” heasks, and I can’t help but be surprised.
“Wouldyou?”
“Yeah,” he replies, and the easyway he says it relaxes me. Not because penetration is something shameful to ownup to, but because it feels good not to be the only one confessing to wants.
“Um, then yes.”
“Ok. I’m guessing that orgasmdelay is a yes in both our columns?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“What about bondage? Like, tyingyou up?”
I only have to let the image ofit linger in my mind for a second before I nod my head. That’s a definite yes.
It goes on like this for a while.We’re unsurprisingly compatible. We both like anything that reeks of controlbut without the humiliation. Ezra seems keener on sensory deprivation than Iam, although my reticence is born more from inexperience than aversion, and Iagree that I’m open to trying it slowly. We reject collars, leashes, things inmy mouth, and fluids other than the obvious ones. I say no to roleplay, eventhough he’s interested; I know I wouldn’t be able to keep in character.
“I’m guessing that petting andpraising and stuff like that is an automatic yes,” he says, and goes to writeit down, but looks up when I’m silent.
“Joaquin, do you not like it whenI do that?” he asks, sounding genuinely concerned. I shake my head and his facefalls, looking almost panicked. “I’ve been-”
“No, no – I mean yes, I like it,”I cut him off.
“Are you sure? Because-”
“I’m sure. Seriously.”
“Ok…” he says, looking at mecarefully. “But you hesitated.”
“I just…is that really part ofthe whole, you know, BDSM thing?” I ask, feeling an unwelcome sense ofdiscomfiture at the topic.
“Well…I mean, in isolation, no.But, then again, most of these things probably wouldn’t be BDSM in isolation.In combination with everything else…no, it’s more like, the intent behind it.When I praise you, it’s ‘cause I’ve asked you to do something and you’ve doneit well, or because you anticipated a need and gave me something I’m pleasedabout, and it plays into the whole Dom/sub thing, I guess. Am I wrong?” he asks,a little tentative.
“No,” I say softly.
“Ok. Should we, um, move on?”
“Yeah, ok.”
“Ok. Well, I guess the next bitis pain. I’ve done some reading and there seems to be different kinds of painand different stuff that can be used or done to cause each. Like, there’s alot, really. Are you interested in that type of stuff?” Ezra asks. I feel atightening in my throat but ignore it. I remember his teeth on my skin, mynails against my side. I nod.
“Um…I think so. But…I don’t knowhow much. Or what kind.”
“Ok. I think we’re a bit in thesame boat with this. Like, I know I’m interested, but I wouldn’t be comfortabledoing much until I’m 100% sure that I won’t harm you in the process. How aboutI throw some stuff out there and you tell me your instant reaction?”
“Ok.”
“Ok. Well, there’s somethingcalled impact play, which is like spanking and paddles and stuff. Normally it'shitting with wide surfaces and, apparently, it’s more of an achy pain. What doyou think?”
I think that the thought of Ezraspanking me is too much to take.
“Yeah. I mean, slow. I’m not sureabout the paddles. But. Yeah.”
“Ok. I’ll put it down as a slowyes. I think the other end of the spectrum is sharp pain, with whips and-”
“No,” I say immediately.
“Ok. Hard no. Then there’s moremiddle ground, like floggers and crops.”
