Page 66 of The Poster Boy
Marek
Jay and I stayed in my hotel room until it was nearly time for us to get on the bus and head to the airport. He kissed me like he’d never see me again, then met me down in the lobby ten minutes later. Part of me waited for him to ignore me, as had been our usual dynamic in public, but he walked right over to me, bumped his shoulder into mine, and launched into a conversation about the upcoming game.
Church would be joining us in the next city, but there was no word on if he was going to start or not. I hoped he would so I could spend the game on the bench staring at Jay.
I still found it hard to believe that Jay had shown up at my room last night. He had every right to be angry with me still, but he wasn’t. I tried to tell myself that now, even as we stood inches apart. This should be enough. He was standing next to me in public. Talking to me. He was even touching me. It was easy to make even a spacious hotel lobby seem cramped when you had an entire hockey team standingaround in it. Jay’s arm brushed up against mine until it was time to get on the bus.
Could people see the lovesick way I looked at him? Could the guys tell where he’d been last night just by looking at him? Was I being too obvious? Standing too close? My brain wouldn’t stop obsessing about him. I didn’t want to be the reason he was outed, and apparently that was enough to make my brain enter crisis mode.
Jay followed me onto the bus and slid in the seat next to mine.
“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning in close so he could lower his voice.
“I’m fine.”
He scowled. “That sounds suspicious as fuck, Marek. Only people who aren’t fine claim to be fine.”
“Well, I am. Fine, I mean.” I glanced at Jay. “Maybe a little tired.”
He smirked. “Sorry about that.”
Something about the way Jay looked at me made it easy for me to forget that we were, in fact, surrounded by people. An entire team of hockey players who loved gossip more than a school cafeteria full of teenagers.
Griffin, who’d sat in the seat ahead of us, turned around and eyed me suspiciously.
“Why would Jay be sorry that you’re tired?” His eyes ping-ponged between us.
“Because…” Jay sounded calm, like he’d already rehearsed the perfect cover story for us. “I kept him up doing this.”
Before I could compute as to what was happening, Jay had turned in his seat and pulled me toward him, sealing his mouth over mine. In front of Griffin. In front of everybody.
The bus exploded into a cacophony of rowdy cheers. Theroar was deafening, and it didn’t stop when Jay pulled away and grinned at me and the way my brain still hadn’t registered what happened and what it meant.
“No shit?” Griffin said, looking at Jay, then at me, then at Jay again.
“No shit.” Jay settled back into his seat and dropped a hand onto my lap, palm up, fingers spread. When I didn’t clue in right away, he huffed and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together. “Obviously, this isn’t press fodder. For now, I’m happy to let Marek be the poster boy for queer players. But I don’t want to hide it from the team. The team is the only family I’ve got.”
I squeezed Jay’s hand because that’s how I felt. Kelsey finally had her own life. She’d always be my family, my sister, but now my tiny, fractured family had expanded to include Boone, and his family, and Andrew. And Griffin. And Church, and everyone else on the team.
“I feel bad for their roommates,” one of the guys said from the back. “They won’t be getting much sleep on away games.”
The bus filled with laughter and a series of raunchy jokes. They were meant in good fun, and that’s how I took them. Boone was the one who made everyone laugh harder when he proclaimed that he’d be rooming with Church from now on. And investing in noise cancelling headphones when I came over to see Jay at home.
By the time we got to the airport, it had been decided that Jay and I would share the cost of Boone’s new headphones because we were the reason he needed them. Their gentle teasing felt like acceptance. Jay coming out to them had gone better than any of my trips out of the closet had gone.
I’d come out to my parents and been met with bigotry.I’d been outed to the world and been met with a mixture of acceptance and derision. But with the team, there was nothing but love for him. For us. Their playful banter and enthusiastic acceptance healed something in me that maybe I hadn’t realized was broken.
I would not cry in front of a bus full of guys, but I would squeeze Jay’s hand really fucking hard and focus on taking deep breaths. Boone draped himself over the seat and grabbed me in a headlock. He scrubbed his knuckles over my skull, ruffling my hair and distracting me from the abundance of emotions that threatened to burst out of me.
By the time we got to the airport, Jay and I were old news according to the guys, who had moved on to other important topics like the fact that Vasily had knocked up his longtime girlfriend. A fight nearly broke out in the back between the two players who both decided they’d be the godfather to the child.
Jay leaned in close as the bus came to a stop. “We’ll be the cool gay uncles.”
When he dropped my hand so we could file off the bus, it didn’t feel like a rejection. My chest loosened and a few of the lingering fears I had fell away, making me lighter. I’d worried that I’d want more from Jay than he was willing to give. That coming out to the team wouldn’t be enough if he didn’t hold my hand through the airport. That sneaking a kiss on the team bus wouldn’t be enough if he didn’t tongue-fuck my face in front of half the city. I’d been terrified that I’d keep moving the goal posts on him and that he’d never be able to keep up.
But Jay claiming me in front of the team settled my silly heart down. The important people knew about us. Well, most of them. Once we were on the plane and safely tuckedaway from prying eyes, I leaned in close to Jay and snapped a selfie of us together.
I sent it to Kelsey with a caption that readmy defenseman.
