Page 37 of Up In Flames
I took a deep breath. I’d already come out to Hal and nothing bad happened. Liam was my oldest friend, but the words were still hard to get past my teeth.
“We were at my place the other night, and I made a move, and at first it didn’t go well, but then it went really well.”
“Okay, so do you think she has regrets?”
The opportunity jumped out at me, and I took it.
“He. It’s… um… I’m bisexual. Probably. It’s new.”
Liam didn’t miss a beat. He didn’t stop to fawn about my new discovery of self. He got on with the show, which was what I loved about him.
“Okay, so he has regrets?”
“He didn’t at first. I don’t think.”
“So ask him.”
“He’s barely talking to me.” My voice came out whiny and petulant and, for added dramatics, I flopped down onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I put Liam on speakerphone and set the phone on my chest.
“So make him talk to you.”
“I can’t make someone talk to me, Liam.”
“Oren, for such a smart man, you sure are a dumbass sometimes. I don’t mean like kidnap him, tie him to a chair, and waterboard him until he tells you all his secrets. But if he won’t answer your texts, show up in person. Show him that he’s important enough that you’re willing to go out of your way to check in.”
“And if he still won’t talk to me?”
“Then he’s not worth it.”
His words were a dagger in my chest. Will was worth it. He was worth so much more than I could ever offer him.
“He’s worth it.”
“Then if he won’t talk to you, you talk to him. I don’t know who this guy is, but he has to be pretty great if you’re all upside down over him.”
I couldn’t argue with Liam’s assessment. Will did have me upside down and inside out. Ever since I’d kissed him, or he’d kissed me—since we kissed—I’d been unable to think about anything else. Even before that, my every waking thought had been filled with Will. I couldn’t walk through a supermarket without thinking about him. Or scroll social media without seeing a meme to send him to make him smile. Or lay in bed… or shower… or jerk off without thinking about his mouth. His hands. The way he smiled at me, soft and sweet and almost shy, like it was meant just for me.
“You think I should just show up at his place? And like pour my heart out or whatever.”
Liam chuckled, his rich voice filling the line. I could almost see the way his eyes would crinkle when he laughed. “Yes, Oren. I think you should go to him and tell him all the shit you’re not telling me, that I probably don’t want to hear. I think you should tell him that you’re fucking miserable because he’s blowing you off.”
As bad as Will blowing me off made me feel, I somehow imagined that it made him feel worse. Will was a good guy. He tried hard to make everyone happy, and, for whatever reason, it was like he decided that he couldn’t make me happy, so he’d cut me off instead.
“I’m going to go.”
“That’s the spirit.”
“Say hello to the missus for me.”
“Will do. Give me an update when you have one.”
Liam ended the call, and I spent a couple more minutes staring at the ceiling before rolling off the bed. I took a cold shower to stem my urge to luxuriate under the spray and jerk off.I’d only think about Will, and that didn’t seem like a great idea at the moment.
I dressed in a pair of jeans that I’d been told I filled out nicely and a shirt that had shrunk in the wash. If Will was going to kick me to the curb, I was going to show him what he’d be missing. I almost added a belt to the outfit, but decided that if things went well, it would just be one more thing to fumble with.
Even after my somewhat successful trip around the farm with Hal, I wasn’t ready to brave the city streets. The traffic. The people. I did, however, call a cab instead of taking the bus. It was one step closer to preparing myself to get behind the wheel again.
Hal had been a great moral support, and he was right. It was much easier to navigate the giant vehicle on the farm. There was nothing but grass and cows and fence for miles. I hadn’t even known a place like that existed so near the city. When I told Hal as much, he laughed at me and said that it was easy to miss when your face was buried in law books.
