Page 15 of Up In Flames
“You could always drive.”
Oren shook his head. “Not yet.”
“It’s understandable.”
“Is it?” He exhaled and rocked back on his heels.
“Trauma is trauma. Sometimes it takes a while to overcome the bad things.”
“And what if we never do? What then?” Oren looked at me with shining eyes, like he was desperate for answers but feared what they might be.
“Then you find a way to live with it. I could go with you, if you wanted. When you feel ready to try driving again. The offer is open. I could meet you someplace and you can try it out, and ifyou can’t do it, you’re not stranded somewhere. We’ll stick close to home or something.”
Oren nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
“Want company for your walk home?” I hoped he wouldn’t say no. I wasn’t ready for our day to end. I had friends, but they were all people I worked with. It was nice to hang around with someone new, even if that someone made me want things I couldn’t have.
Oren looked at me and that lopsided smile of his that I’d immediately loved started to form. “You have a sparkle…” He reached for me, his eyes focused on my cheek, mine focused on him. His touch was so delicate it was like being caressed by the wind, but warm. The brush of a fingertip against my cheek shouldn’t have made me hard. But it did. It shouldn’t have made my breath catch, but it did.
I prayed for Oren not to notice, but he looked at me a split second after it happened. Sheepishly, he pulled his hand away. At that moment, I felt exposed. Like everything I was and everything I wanted were on display for him.
I was so fucked.
CHAPTER 7
Oren
Life had a way of catching up with me, no matter how hard I tried not to live it. At first, it was taking the job. I’d grown weary of being sad and alone and unproductive. The job meant I had to deal with people, an impossible task in the beginning, but it got better the more I had to do it.
Grief still clung to my bones most days. But lately I noticed that it was easier to move through the world, even though the loss hadn’t lessened. The idea that I was moving on nearly made me vomit the first time it crossed my mind.
I ducked out of my building and headed down the street. It was Saturday again, and it had been a week since I saw Will, but we’d managed to text every day since the park. Sometimes my texts went unread for hours, and he’d pop in and answer them and tell me about the call he was on or the food he was making.
Will’s love of food and cooking was what prompted me to get my ass to the grocery store. My fridge and freezer had been full of microwave meals and convenience foods. Will seemed to look after everyone around him, and shame had bloomed in me when I realized that I could barely look after myself.
I hadn’t willingly slept in since before law school, so I was at the doors to the grocery store a minute after they opened.Shopping in the morning was a much more peaceful experience than shopping later in the day.
I grabbed a cart and set out for the produce section. Normally I made a beeline for the frozen foods or the premade offerings at the deli. With my usual plans dashed to smithereens, I quickly realized I didn’t have the faintest idea what to buy.
Did I need avocados? Did I like avocados? Celery seemed like a good choice. And apples, Granny Smith. Byron had hated anything that wasn’t a Red Delicious. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to move away from the apples before I had a mental breakdown among the fruit.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a message from Will. In my phone he was Dorsey. I indulged myself with the delusion that we were close enough for me to call him the name that all his closest friends used.
It was a picture of a cat clinging to someone for dear life as they pulled it out of a tree.
Instead of answering him via text like a normal person, I called him. He answered on the first ring.
“I didn’t know that firemen really rescued animals from trees. Way to live up to the stereotype.”
Will’s answering laugh was rich and deep. “It’s because we have the ladders. That’s why they call us. We also get to do fun things like snip people out of things they stick their head and other body parts through or in, and then can’t get them out.”
A store employee came over the PA system to call for a manager to the front.
“What was that?” Will asked.
“Oh, I’m shopping. Groceries.” A weak laugh escaped me. “Well, I’m attempting to shop, but I got here and realized I don’t know what to buy.”
“What do you have at home?”
