Page 45 of Up In Flames
Yes.
No.
Both? Could I be both okay and not in the same moment?
“I want to take you on a date. A real one… one out in public with people and food and maybe a movie.”
His worry softened into something else, something I couldn’t put my finger on.
“This is a real date. It’s you and me and food and maybe a movie.”
“But dates happen out there.” Panic? Don’t know her. All I knew was that I was suddenly sending this evening into a tailspin. But as always, Oren wasn’t spinning. Oren was solid and strong. Wise in ways he didn’t believe. Kind beyond words. Unfairly gorgeous.
He scooted his chair closer and put his hand on my leg. “Dates happen where we say they happen. Yeah, maybe one day it would be nice to go see a movie with you and hold your hand in a dark theater. But it’s not a requirement. I want to spend time with you, and I like being alone with you. There’s a lot of things we can do when we’re alone that we can’t do in public.”
I forced a deep breath into my lungs. “Like not watch a movie.”
“Like lay on your couch together and spend three hours just talking.”
It was what we did the last time Oren had come over. We’d made out after a while, of course. And then we freed our dicks from our pants and rutted against each other until we were breathless and sticky and not nearly satisfied enough to stop kissing and touching.
“I don’t want you to get bored of just hanging out here or at your place.”
“We can still be in public together, Will. Guys do shit together all the time. You play basketball at the firehouse with your little firefighter friends, and no one thinks you’re fucking them. You and I hung out at the park that day. We got our faces painted. No one cared then and no one will care now if we do things together. Friends do that.”
Friends didn’t ache when they weren’t touching. Friends didn’t look at each other the way Oren looked at me. The wayI suspected that I looked at him. But sure. Friends did things together.
For the first time in my life, the closet started to suffocate me. Running out of oxygen. Out of space and time.
Oren leaned over, his hand sliding up my chest, making my heart skip a beat, my throat tighten, keeping all my emotions from spilling out. And then he kissed me, soft but all consuming. I hoped it would always be like this. That his kisses would always eclipse the world, make it vanish in his shadow.
CHAPTER 21
Oren
Will was an easy man to read, at least he was for me. I could see the panic in his eyes when he talked about us being out in public together. A large part of me wished I’d discovered my bisexuality sooner so then maybe I could have known what it felt like to be in the closet. I could have helped him through it better, perhaps, if I’d also been there. But by the time I realized I was also into men, I was a full-grown man, out of law school, with nothing to lose by letting the world know what—who—I liked.
“It’s okay if we mostly hang out alone, you know,” I whispered in his ear then leaned back. His gaze followed my hand as it slid down my chest. His breath hitched when I squeezed my cock through my pants, highlighting how hard I was for him.
Maybe I wasn’t into men. Maybe it was Will. That was a train of thought to be looked at later when my brain had more blood flow and I could think straight.
“I can’t do this if we’re in public.” Stroking myself through my pants, I spread my legs wider. He stared at my hand as if he’d never seen another man touch himself, but I looked at his face.At the hunger in his expression. The parted lips and gentle way his tongue ran along his lower lip. I wanted that tongue on me. That mouth.
I reached for my fly, but Will surged forward, his mouth slanted over mine, his hand, bigger and stronger than mine, gripping my hands. I pulled them away and slid my fingers into his hair instead, holding him still so I could kiss him deeper. Our tongues battled, and he fumbled with my fly until he finally had success.
All at once he pulled back. He stared at me like he was in a daze and trying to come out of it so he could think. Or overthink, which was more likely.
“In public you can’t stick your hands down my pants and jerk me off.”
“Oren—” He licked his lips. It looked like his entire body was vibrating on an atomic level.
“In public you can’t carry me to your bed and fuck me senseless.”
Something in Will’s control snapped and he was on me again. This time his powerful arms snaked around me, and he hoisted me out of the chair like I weighed nothing. My world tilted upside so fast I felt like I was on a carnival ride, and then I was over his shoulder.
“Holy shit,” I breathed, staring at Will’s ass as he strode through his apartment to his bedroom. My world tilted again when he put me on the bed. I lay there like a starfish for half a second until lust returned full force, making my dick throb.
Will pulled his shirt off over his head, exposing his broad, slightly furry chest. The sight of him, half-naked, dick straining at his zipper, made my mouth water.
