Page 41 of Up In Flames
He grumbled, but listened, groaning a bit when he straightened up and again when he got to his feet. I watched him tuck his cock back into his pants, and then he reached for me, offering me a hand up. I didn’t have to take it, but I did anyway.
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Vitamin water? Protein shake.” The corner of his mouth quirked up, and I found myself stupidly smiling back at him.
“No thanks, I’m good.”
“Yes, you are,” Will purred. Fucking distracting asshole.
“As cute as you are, I think we need to clear the air.” I folded my arms over my chest then thought that might make me seem too angry and closed-off looking. I unfolded them and tucked my hands in my pockets. Now that the sex was out of the way, my nerves were flooding back in. He could still reject me.
Will ran his fingers through his hair and chewed at his bottom lip. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry, Oren. I got twisted up in my own head.” He lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“I almost didn’t come.”
He nodded as though he’d expected that answer. It was an unexpected gut punch. He’d so quickly assumed that he was easy to give up on. Easy to forget about and discard. Nothing could be further from the truth.
“I didn’t like being ignored, but I hated missing you. Don’t make me miss you again, okay? If you’re not comfortable with this”—I waved a hand between us—“then we can be friends.” Being friends would suck when I wanted so much more than that, but if that’s all he was willing to give me, then that’s all I’d ask.
Will scoffed. “I don’t want to be your friend, Oren.”
I nearly took offense at that, but he ate me alive with his heated gaze.
“Make me understand.” I stepped closer and put my hands on his hips. More to keep us apart than to smash us together. Will leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes, but even with them closed, I saw the strain in his face. The lines around his eyes, the gentle furrow of his brow.
“It’s so easy for you. You just… decided one day that you liked me, and then you told that guy from work as if it was no big deal. You kissed me and sucked my cock like you’d done it a million times, and everything is so effortless for you. It made me…” He stopped and searched for the right word. “Angry at first. Then jealous. Then I guess mostly just sorry for myself.”
“Come here.” Tugging at the belt loops of his pants, I led him to the living room. He sat down on the couch, and I followed suit, crowding into the space next to him.
“Do you want to know why it was easy for me?”
Will nodded but didn’t make eye contact. Not that it mattered. It was probably better if he didn’t.
“It was easy for me because I don’t have anything left to lose.”
His head snapped up, and he gaped at me. The puzzle pieces slotted into place.
“It’s easy to take risks when you’re not risking much. I work for lawyers; they know better than to fire me for being bisexual. And then there’s the fact that I’m ninety percent sure at least a third of the office is somewhere on the rainbow. Simon is openly bi and pretends he’s not just one morefuck itaway from dragging Hal into the nearest dark corner and having his way with him.”
Looking down, I took Will’s hand. Another first. Holding hands with a man. His were stronger than mine. Thicker and calloused. The truth was that he was all I had left to lose. But I couldn’t put that into words without sounding like a crazy person or like I was guilting him into something he might not want.
“I had to lose a lot to get to a place where something like my sexuality doesn’t matter to me. At least not in a way that’s going to stop me from wanting to be with you.”
“Oren. Fuck, I’m sorry. I?—”
My hand clamped over his mouth. “Don’t be sorry for me. I’ll never be okay with losing them, but I won’t be okay with losing you either.” The confession tumbled out of me without my permission, but it made Will’s cheeks turn a deep rosy color. “Okay?”
Only when he nodded his agreement did I remove my hand from his mouth.
“I want to keep seeing you. As a friend. As more than that.”
“I can’t come out.” Will’s voice cracked and his chin quivered, but he sucked in a breath and got himself under control. “My parents. My job. The guys. I… I can’t.”
“I’m not asking you to come out.”
He rolled his eyes. “You did.”
“Because it was right for me. Because up until I met you, I hadn’t thought of myself as anything but straight. It’s like you showed me that I didn’t have to keep the original factory settings. Straight was a default. But I think we more than established that I swing both ways.”
“So you came out… for me?”
