Page 58 of Harboring Secrets
His gaze cut over to me and I watched him take stock of me next. As though he could see every vulnerability I was still trying to keep tucked away. My breath came in shaky, but I managed to keep the bits of myself from falling apart.
“Come on. I’ll give you the tour.” The ground floor had a gym and a sauna that I’d seldom used, but I gave Brodie a quick tour anyway before we took the elevator up to the eighth floor.
Taking my keys out of my pocket, I unlocked my door. Even with my keys, I still felt like an intruder. Like I was walking into someone else’s house. Someone else’s life. I let him go in first so I could watch him take it all in. The white hallway stretched out in front of us. The decor was all modern. Lots of shiny finishes and clean lines. Sterile. Uncomfortable. I’d never noticed it before, but being away from it had given me a new perspective.
“The primary bedroom is up on the left. Spare on the right. Also on the right is the bathroom, and then another bedroom that I used for my home office.”
Brodie poked his head into the spare room. A rather unremarkable space with more shiny finishes and decor that I didn’t pick.
“In my defense, it came furnished.”
“You have nothing to defend.” Brodie reached for me and took my hand. “We are not our things, Liam. We are not our houses. Things aren’t who we are. I used to have nothing, that doesn’t mean that I was nothing.”
His words were a punch to the gut. I gathered him into my arms and buried my face in the curve of his neck. Our bags had been abandoned by the front door and I had the urge to take them and run away from this place.
“I don’t want to stay here,” I confessed.
“Then we won’t.” Brodie’s arms tightened around me like he knew I needed to be held together. “We’ll take the tour, you’ll get Piper’s things and whatever else you need. Whatever you can’t take, we’ll arrange to have shipped, and then we can leave.
“You need to see the view at least.” I tugged myself out of Brodie’s arms and led him through to the main living area. The dining room and living room took up the entire front of the condo. It was nothing but windows. From one end to the other, and out of them a view of the water.
A round table with stark white chairs sat on the far left across from the kitchen. The living room, that had always looked more like a posh waiting room to me, took up the rest of the space. A television hung above the fireplace. Built-in shelves flanked the fireplace and held the few personal touches I’d brought in with me.
“The view is amazing.” Brodie went straight to the windows, as I suspected he would.
“I prefer the view back home.”
“Our bedroom looks at a fence.”
“Yes, but it’s a nice fence. And most of the time, I’m looking at you anyway.”
He turned and flashed me a megawatt smile. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
The brightness of his expression dimmed a little and a furrow appeared in his brow. “I can’t believe you lived here.”
“I told you outside, I existed here. I had to sell the house Piper and I lived in. I couldn’t go in there without thinking about her. Living here was supposed to be temporary. I took what I wanted out of the house and moved in here. I was supposed to start over, but I was stuck.”
I went to the couch and sat down. Brodie followed, piling himself into my lap. I held on to him like he was a life preserver. The extent my life had changed since I’d left for vacation was mind-boggling.
“I don’t know if you know what it’s like, but what I was here… wasn’t alive. I was breathing and walking and talking, but I was dead inside. Carol had to force me to go on vacation. I didn’t even want to do that, but I think she knew that I needed something to change. I’m still sad about Piper. I’ll always miss her, but I’d passed the point where my grief was like walking through chest-deep mud. But I didn’t know how to move on.”
“That sounds hard.”
“The first week I was away, I stayed in my hotel room. I hadn’t wanted to go anywhere, but Carol had practically shoved me out the door.”
“And this is why meeting her makes me nervous. I can’t imagine anyone making you do anything.”
“She’ll love you,” I told him, believing it with my whole heart. I loved him and therefore Carol would love him.
“I’ll believe it when it happens.” Brodie wound his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. The sound of his steady, deep breaths soothed me.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
He laughed. “Probably on a beach being oblivious while cabana boys flirt with you.”
“I’m never going to live that down, even though you’re the jealous one.”
He kissed my neck, his lips grazing that soft spot below my ear. Goosebumps erupted and I shivered.
