Page 10 of Harboring Secrets
“How many times have I told you—” Mom turned and when she caught sight of me, her words died. The confusion and the shock only lasted for a second before joy took over. Suddenly I was enveloped in her arms. She’d been shorter than me since I hit a growth spurt at fourteen, but that never stopped her hugs from making me feel protected and safe.
“You’re home! When did you get in? How long are you here for? Let me get a look at you.” Mom held on to me like she was afraid I’d vanish if she let go.
“I’m here for a while this time.” I wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet that I’d already been looking at rentals in town. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Maybe I’d been lost for a long time, but never realized it until I learned how wrong I was about Liam. I thought for sure that he loved me. His stupid apology made my ears ring even now. Thinking of him often made my brain go blank, like a phone line with no one on the other end. Just dial tone or dead air.
The next few minutes were a whirlwind of hugs and smacks on the back. Then things were achingly normal. Shane put the leaf in the kitchen table to make room for everyone and Mom plated up a bunch of cookies. Suspiciously my favorite cookies were present.
I grabbed one of the snickerdoodles and bit into it. “Did you know I was coming?”
Mom shook her head. “I always have a batch of your favorites on hand. Just in case.”
Well, shit. “I think I got dust in my eye,” I said, blinking away the sudden tingly burn that came right before the tears.
Mom leveled a look at Kieran. “And how long have you been harboring this fugitive?”
Kieran stirred his coffee, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I plead the fifth.”
“I got in the night before last. All I did yesterday was stare at the wall and try to get my body to catch up to the right time zone.”
“Where did you leave from?” Archer asked. It was an innocent enough question, but I found myself unable to answer it. I’d left from a hotel room where a man I thought I was in love with dismissed me with an ease that made my stomach clench even now, days later and thousands of miles away.
“Nowhere special.” I shoved the rest of the cookie in my mouth to avoid having to elaborate. Everyone around me shared a few nervous glances. Shit. I guess I wasn’t playing it as cool as I thought.
Mom put a batch of cookies in the oven then washed her hands. “I’m sure Brodie will have all kinds of stories for us once he’s gotten a little more rest.” She threw me a lifeline.
After that, no one was interested in asking more questions. Well, they were interested, but they weren’t about to now that Mom had subtly laid the law down to leave me alone.
“Tell me what you’ve all been up to while I was gone.” My gaze slid from Shane to Archer. “I’ve only gotten the highlights from Kieran.”
Kieran and I kept in touch a lot more than Shane and I did. And I sent Mom a lot of pictures and I’d tell her a little about where I was and what I planned to do. I’d always been closer to Kieran than I was to Shane, though. There was no reason for it, no hidden trauma or old grudge. The simple fact was that I’d always felt that Kieran understood what I was trying to say.
The next couple hours were spent sitting around Mom’s kitchen table. In some ways it felt like I never left. The inside jokes were unchanged, as was the way Shane acted like he was king of everything. Whenever he looked at me, I could feel his concern.
But as much as things were the same, they were also different. Before, Shane would have buckled by now and asked me ten thousand questions that I wasn’t ready to answer. He’d do it out of love, as he did everything, but it would still feel oppressive and intrusive.
Archer was good for him, and therefore for me. He ran interference so beautifully it was almost like Shane didn’t know what was happening. But whenever he focused on me too intensely, Archer would touch him or talk to him and steer his attention away from me.
I’d heard about the whole thing between Archer and Clay, where they’d been best friends until Clay fucked up and stole the money from their business. Archer had been left with no choice but to close up shop and move in with his brother, Cyrus, the cook at Shane’s bar.
The whole series of events is what led Archer to Shane. I don’t know that I could hold onto a grudge when the result was finding something I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Archer kept his body turned more toward Shane and less toward Clay, who sat across the table sneaking glances at Archer like a kid with a crush. Or a guy who wanted his friend back.
Shane and Kieran, if they noticed the little body language back and forth between their boyfriends, chose to ignore it. Shane and Kieran were happy to take over the conversation for me, talking about Shane’s next philanthropic venture and Kieran being the voice of reason. Shane might spend like his money grew on trees, but Kieran did a pretty good job of reining him in.
Being home was weird. It was pleasant, and I’d missed my family like crazy, but my broken heart put a damper on the reunion. I didn’t have it in me to smile as much or to be as excited about regaling them with tales of my adventures. I couldn’t talk about the last month. Even thinking about it turned my throat to shattered glass. My heart to dust. I never knew it was possible to feel a broken heart in every molecule of my body, but I swear even my hair fucking hurt.
Shane’s eagle eyes kept sliding over to me. His big brother intuition had to be going insane. Here I was, home without warning. I probably looked like my dog died. I didn’t have a dog. Maybe I should get one.
“How long are you home for?” Mom asked again, hope ever present in her expression even though she tried to hide it from me.
“I might get a dog.” The idea had taken root in my head and I couldn’t shake it now. It would tie me down to one place, but maybe I didn’t hate the sound of that. I rolled it around my head. The truth was that running home had been easy after shit went down with Liam. I could have gone anywhere in the world. Thrown myself to the wolves in Ibiza and used other bodies to forget about his. But I came home.
Living out of suitcases had been fun at first. I had loved only having a couple bags of belongings. I’d put everything in storage or sold it before I left and it felt like freedom at first, but it had long ago lost its luster.
“A dog?” Mom’s brow furrowed. A ripple of confusion went around the table.
“Yeah. A dog.” The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. There were plenty of things to see and do that didn’t involve leaving the country. Plus, a dog would love me the way I loved it. It wouldn’t be sorry that I’d been stupid enough to get attached.
“First, I guess I need to find an apartment or a house or something. Maybe a townhouse. Something with a yard for Rover, but nothing extravagant because yard work is evil. And I guess I’ll need a job.” I stopped talking suddenly. It was like my body had been snatched and taken over. I’d only meant to say that I was going to get a dog, but the jet lag was still trying to murder me.
