Page 32 of Drifting Hearts
“I bet we can swing that. Maybe he’ll even stick around for longer than a week this time.” Shane leaned back in the booth. We were nearly the same size, but Shane was a little larger, and he looked it the way his shoulders widened when he put his elbows on the tableand clasped his hands in front of him. “I’ve been doing some thinking about Clayton.”
“Have you?”
Shane nodded somberly. “Archer and I have been talking about him and trying to decide what’s best for everyone.”
“What do you mean, what’s best for everyone?”
“Well, he can’t stay at Mom’s forever. His leg is healed, the cast is coming off his arm. Ideally I’d just cut him a check and let him disappear on a bus to who cares where, but that’s not a good solution either.”
“And what does Clay think? Or did you think to talk to him about his life?”
Shane looked as guilty as he did angry. “Archer and I were just spit balling ideas. We weren’t making decisions or anything.”
“And your ideas always begin and end with how much will it cost?” Disgusted, I shook my head. “I know you think you do a lot of good with your money, and you do. I’m not trying to make it seem like you’re some kind of bad guy, but not everything can be solved by throwing money at it. I’m pretty sure we’ve had this discussion before, Shane. You have a good heart, and no one was more deserving of winning that money than you were, but you can’t just buy people a new life. Clay needs to make his own choices.”
Shane rolled his eyes. I could tell by the set of his jaw that I was getting through to him, but the fire in his eyes told me he wasn’t about to give up so easily.
“Because his decision-making capabilities are so wonderful? History says otherwise. And since when do you call him Clay?”
Every muscle in my body tensed at the accusatory tone of Shane’s voice.
“You shouldn’t have conversations with people before ten a.m., Shane. You’re a surly, grumpy, bastard. Go back to bed. We’ll talk later.” I tossed a few bills on the table, more than enough to cover breakfast and Shane’s coffee, and stormed out of the restaurant.
Predictably, Shane followed me. I heard his footsteps hurry behind me to catch up and then he was walking next to me.
“I think you need to level with me, Kieran. Every time I mention Clayton, you get agitated or you change the subject. What’s he done?”
Shock had me stopping dead in my tracks. “What do you mean, what’s he done?”
I turned to face my brother and glowered at him. I kept my hands at my sides so I didn’t do something stupid like punch him. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to, and then I’d do something equally stupid like tell him that I’d slept with Clay. And something even stupider. I might confess the fact that I liked him.
“Well, something’s got you all riled up.” Shane shrugged. “I just assumed.”
“You assumed that Clay, sorry, Clayton has been up to no good. That he’s been trying to swindle money out of Mom, or maybe me? Or maybe he’s started his own illegal gambling ring that he runs out of the bedroom he sleeps in at Mom’s house.”
The more I talked, the more I was aware of how crazy I sounded, but also how angry I was at Shane. “I never asked for this, you know. Any of it. Not the lottery, not the money, not the loans being paid off. None of it. I know you think you’re helping people, but sometimes you just do things without asking, Shane, and you take people’s choices away. Like when Clay ended up in the hospital. I realize he didn’t have a lot of choices, but he does now. And still you’re trying to use your magical money wand to fix shit. Yeah, it got you Archer, but that’s all it’s going to get you.”
“I just—I always said I’d help people if I ever won. I said I’d buy Mom a house and I did. And I said I’d pay your student loans and I’d pay for Brodie to travel and see the world.”
“He’s seen the world, Shane. But you keep calling him and you’re like where are you going next, Brodie? You need to see this country, Brodie. How about you go here, Brodie? It’s like you’re paying him to stay away.”
Shane flinched like I’d slapped him.
“Shit, Shane. Fuck.” I raked a hand through my hair. “It’s been a really shitty week. My truck is barbeque. I haven’t been sleeping. I’m an asshole.”
Shane nodded his head. “Yeah, you are. But you have a point about Clayton. Archer and I shouldn’t be sitting around making decisions about his life.”
The victory was hollow and I felt the need to extend the olive branch. My careless words had hurt him and, in the moment, that had been the aim. But that didn’t mean I should have said them, or that I didn’t regret them. I still meant what I said, but I could have said it nicer.
“How about dinner this weekend?”
Shane let out a sigh. “I told Mom that we’d have dinner at her house this weekend. She’s a bit peeved that I haven’t been around in a while. But you should come. She’s probably planning to make you anyway.”
“How do you think it’s going to go with Archer and Clay in the same room?”
“Can’t be any worse than the two of us.” Shane offered me a weak smile. I could tell that his feelings were still bruised, but there was nothing to do to help that now. I could apologize again, but saying sorry didn’t pluck the words out of the air and stick them back in my pocket.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t at least try. “I really am sorry, Shane. You’re a good guy. I’m just in a shitty mood.”
