Page 39 of Drifting Hearts
My molars were goingto be dust by the time the night was over. Every time I saw Clay glance over at Archer or get the cold shoulder from Shane, my jaw clenched. I understood their anger at him. Well, I understood Archer’s anger. And Shane was angry out of love and loyalty to him, which meant when Archer actually spoke to Clay, my jaw relaxed for the first time that night.
The evening went smoother than I’d expected it to. That was probably because Mom was there so everyone was on their best behavior.
I excused myself to use the bathroom. Dinner had been over for an hour, but the chit-chat was still in full swing and Mom looked so happy being surrounded by a bunch of her favorite people that I didn’t have the heart to go. Besides, I wanted Shane and Archer to leave first so I could whisk Clay away without having to deal with my brother.
I’d ducked into the bathroom and when I came out, freshly drained and hands washed, Shane was lurking in the hallway waiting for me.
“Need the can?” I stepped out of the way so he could go in, but he didn’t. Instead he stared me down and I thought for a moment that he knew what was going on. That he’d seen something, a look, a longing, pass between Clay and me, and he’d guessed there was something between us.
“I talked to Brodie,” Shane said, catching me off-guard. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, a look of deep discomfortclouding his expression. “You weren’t completely off-base. It wasn’t as bad as you made it sound, but he did kind of feel like I was shoving him away. Like I didn’t want him around.”
“I’m still sorry. Not for what I said, but maybe how I said it. I probably could have been nicer.”
Shane gave me a half smile. “A little,” he agreed. “He’s planning a trip home soon. I told him to stick around for a while. But don’t tell Mom; he wants to surprise her.”
“Her birthday is soon. Is that when he’s coming?” I asked, because it’s when I would come. I missed my kid brother. We talked here and there and he emailed about some of his grander adventures, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him.
“That’s the plan. Now I better get in there before I piss myself.” Shane stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. Relief that he hadn’t brought Clay up sighed out of me. Guilt pricked my spine, my skin, my stomach. I liked Clay. I liked him more than I’d liked anyone in a long time.
And I hated that I cared about Shane’s opinion of it. But I’d always pictured bringing someone home and introducing them to everyone. In my mind, it was easy. If I loved someone, my family would love them. Shane tolerated Clay at best. How would he react if he knew how I felt?
How I felt?
I rubbed my sternum as if I could reach into my chest and pull out the little glowing ball of warm affection I had for Clay and examine it up close. How did I feel?
I liked him. He wasn’t perfect, but he was trying to do better. He seemed genuine in his gratitude for everything Shane did for him. Mom liked him. She treated him like one of her kids, which was how she treated a lot of the people who came to stay with her. Brodie knewabout him, but only the highlights. He’d never been the type to hold things against anyone, so I didn’t see him taking issue with Clay and me being together.
Were we together, though? Would he even want to be? The sound of the toilet flushing yanked me back to reality and I hurried out of the hallway. I snagged a handful of snickerdoodles from the jar and went outside. Keeping two for myself, I gave the others to Clay.
“What, none for me?” Archer asked. He looked like he was trying hard to be amused, to make a joke or something, but his tone was still strained.
“Mom made these for Clay. They’re his favorites. But these cookies are my delivery fee.”
Clay leaned over and handed a cookie to Archer who took it with a shaky smile that wasn’t sure if it wanted to be a smile or not the way it faltered and tried again. It felt like a peace offering. A token of not friendship, but maybe a truce. It gave me hope that maybe if Archer was softening toward his former friend, that Shane might too.
Shane returned and dropped down next to Archer again, but the evening seemed to be coming to an end. Tia and Julie said their goodbyes and Mom followed them inside to send some treats with them. The four of us were suddenly alone on the deck with no adult supervision.
“We should go,” Archer said, standing up suddenly, like he now couldn’t wait to get away. And maybe he couldn’t. He’d spent months avoiding any mention of Clay, nursing wounds and trying to get his life back in order only to turn around and be coerced into having dinner with him.
Shane stood too, taking Archer’s hand. He nodded at me, ignored Clay, and they disappeared into the kitchen to say their goodbyes to Mom. And probably get more cookies for later. It’s what I would do.
Next to me, Clay let out a deep breath.
“I’m kind of glad they’re leaving,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely a whisper.
“Yeah?” My gaze darted toward the house to make sure no one was coming.
“I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life. I thought I was going to die for the first hour. I don’t think I took more than ten breaths the whole time.”
It was an exaggeration, of course, but I understood what he meant. The pressure around my chest as I waited for Shane to see something pass between us that shouldn’t made it hard to breathe sometimes.
But the discomfort wasn’t enough to deter me. Clay had gotten under my skin and no amount of disapproval was going to dig him out.
“It’ll get easier. It looks like you two made some headway.”
“I’m surprised he took the cookie.” Clay brushed stray cookie crumbs off his lap. “Even if it means he doesn’t hate me anymore, I still don’t think he likes me very much. He couldn't get out of here fast enough.”
I nudged Clay’s foot with my own. The little jostle made him look at me.
