Page 27 of Drifting Hearts
“I sleep with the light on.” Laughter got lodged in my throat and it came out sounding like a garbled sob. The laughter I’d tried to quell came out after. My half-laugh half-sob made me sound unhinged. “Like a scared little kid.”
I scoffed at myself and tried to pull out of Kieran’s arms. Mortification didn’t begin to describe the quivery, sick feeling that tugged at my stomach and made my face heat.
“You were attacked, Clay. You’re allowed to fall apart now and again.”
I didn’t miss the way he’d suddenly shortened my name. My stupid heart decided that it meant something. Calling me Clay made my name sound softer in his mouth. I hoped that meant his feelings toward me had softened as well. Part of me still thought he should hate me. Everyone should. But the bigger part of me, the part thatwas scared and lonely, didn’t want him to look at me with animosity anymore.
Kieran ran a hand up and down my back, soothing me. I gave in to the comfort he was offering and leaned into him. He took my weight like it was nothing. He even twisted around so I’d be more comfortable with my cast and my stupid walking boot. I could take it off now and then to sleep and to wash, but I hated looking at my ghastly pale leg.
The deep breaths I took to calm myself only meant that I was breathing in lungfuls of Kieran’s spicy scent. I’d been close enough to him a few times to get a whiff of his cologne, but never for this long. And his touch had never felt so warm and welcoming before.
“I’m tired.” The confession came out unbidden. A moment of weakness prompted by my shaky defenses.
“Do you think you can go back to sleep? I’ll leave the light on.” Kieran kept his voice gentle and calming, and I didn’t hate it at all.
“Not like that. Just… tired, you know. Like my soul is tired.” A bitter laugh escaped. “I sound insane.”
“No. You don’t.”
Unless my imagination was playing tricks on me, Kieran got close enough that his warm breath ghosted across my skin. Hope was a dangerous thing. At every turn, I’d tried to keep my expectations realistic. I tried not to have any at all. But Kieran was holding me like I was worth comforting. He’d pulled me closer like he needed me near.
I clung to him with my one good hand, knowing that I shouldn’t want him, but helpless to stop myself. Wrapped up in Kieran’s arms, still sweaty from my dream, but trembling now for an entirely different reason, I lifted my gaze. I let it linger on his mouth, memorizing the contours of his lips and the dark layer of scruff that surrounded them. Dragging my eyes away, I looked him in the eyes.
My chest wouldn’t expand enough for me to draw a full breath it was so tight from wanting him. Every fiber in my body had pulled taut. I tightened my grip on his shirt and urged him closer a fraction of an inch. Enough to tip my hand about what I wanted. As if he couldn’t tell by looking at me how openly I was admiring him. Studying him. Committing the expression on his face to memory in case I never saw him look at me this way again.
Kieran leaned in.
Everything happened in slow motion. Kieran leaning, me pulling away.
“We shouldn’t.” My protest was weak and cursory. A protest to say I’d said it. But I hadn’t meant it. Not even a little. I wanted Kieran more than I’d wanted anything. I’d worry about deserving him later.
“Says who?” Kieran asked and then his lips were on mine. Pillowy soft and sweet. Kieran started out tentatively, like he was trying to give me an out, a window of time to pull away if that’s what I really wanted to do.
Instead, I leaned in. I let him kiss me. My lips parted on a moan and I invited him into my mouth. His tongue danced along my lower lip, slowly exploring before delving inside. It was easily the best first kiss of my life. Kieran kissed me deeply and with purpose, but he was still gentle about it. Commanding, without being domineering, although I wouldn’t have minded that either. I didn’t think there was a single thing Kieran could do to me that I wouldn’t like.
And then he stopped kissing me. I whined, unable to stop myself. Okay, so there was one thing he could do that I wouldn’t like. And that was reject me.
“We shouldn’t…” I started to say, but Kieran cut me off with another brief kiss. The tender affection made my heart squeeze in my chest.
“I don’t think you mean that,” Kieran challenged, trailing his lips across the line of my jaw. Up to the shell of my ear.
If I were a stronger, better person, I’d have put a stop to whatever it was I’d started. I’d sleep in the chair if necessary. But I was weak, and Kieran was here, and I’d dreamed about him, ached for him, for weeks.
“I didn’t mean it.” I went with the truth and when Kieran smiled against my skin, I decided that any scrap of pleasure I could wring out of this would be worth whatever the fallout was.
Kieran’s hand skimmed up my shoulder blades and cradled the back of my neck. His thumb brushed up the side of my neck and I leaned into his touch. Before I could beg, because I would, he was kissing me again.
Whatever happened after this would be worth the memory of Kieran’s stubble against my skin.
Chapter 14
Kieran
Kissing Clay was thebest bad idea I’d ever given into. On paper, we were a recipe for disaster. Shane’s dislike of him because of the way he’d hurt Archer was only some of the reason this was a bad idea. At the end of the day, Clay had problems and I couldn’t be one of them. I also couldn’t be a solution to any of them. But it had been getting harder to ignore the current of attraction that flowed between us.
Today, he’d been so open with me. We’d had fun and I liked to think that the man I’d laughed with this afternoon was the real Clay. The one who existed outside of all his mistakes. The one who wasn’t burdened by the decisions he’d made.
No good could come of this. Shane would kill me, but in this moment I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to me was the salty taste of Clay’s lips and the way he clung to me so tightly I felt every single tremble that shook him.
