Page 59 of Turning Tides
Shane coming apart was my undoing. A shout tore out of me and I came, buried deep inside him. He was deep inside me too. In my heart, my soul. Shane Taggart was an essential part of my survival.
Shane kissed the corner of my mouth, then my neck, and finally he rested his head on my shoulder, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
I smoothed my hand up and down his back. My other one rested between us, covered in cum. I didn’t want him to move, but he shifted off of me.
“Lay next to me,” I told him.
“I’m just—” He pointed at the bathroom. “For your hand.”
I looked Shane dead in the eyes and raised my hand to my face. Staring at him, I licked his cum off my fingers, being diligent and cleaning out between each digit while he stared at me in aroused fascination. “Lay next to me.” I said again.
He rolled his eyes, but conceded and returned to the bed. Stretching out next to me, I rolled over and wrapped myself around him.
“I fully intend to do that at least one more time tonight.”
Shane laughed, but didn’t argue.
“Were you okay being on top like that?”
“No one’s ever wanted me like that. I was confused at first, but I didn’t hate it.”
“I don’t want to ask you for things you don’t like.”
“I was just—I’m bigger than you. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I know you’re bigger than me. I like that you’re bigger than me. And I like the way it felt when you were on top of me. But if you weren’t comfortable, I won’t ask you to do it again. There are ten thousand ways for me to be inside you.”
Shane took a deep breath and let it out all at once. “I liked it. A lot. It was unexpected.”
“What about it was unexpected?”
Shane was quiet for a while. I started to think he wasn’t going to answer me, or maybe he didn’t know how to answer. But then he started to speak.
“I’ve topped before and I hated it, and I don’t want to do it again. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for what you like. I won’t apologize for loving your ass and not wanting you in mine. Why was my request unexpected?”
“It wasn’t the request but like—it doesn’t even make sense in my head. How am I going to explain it to you?”
I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at Shane. His brow was creased in frustration and I smoothed out the creases with my fingertips.
“I’ve either topped and it sucked, or bottomed, but never had any control over it. Not the way you gave it to me when you told me to ride you. And it was terrifying at first, having to worry about fucking it up.” Shane opened his eyes and stared up at me. “But you made me feel safe. Like I couldn’t possibly fuck up.”
“You can’t.”
“Neither can you.” Shane dragged his hand down my arm.
“I fuck up on a daily basis.” I bit back the urge to say “ask Cyrus,” but it was like Shane knew what I’d almost said.
“You haven’t fucked up with me. And you won’t.”
“I’m not perfect, Shane. I’m going to fuck up eventually.”
“Yes, and I won’t care. Because I love you. You are not your mistakes. Making a mistake doesn’t mean you are one. Making a wrong decision doesn’t make you wrong. It means you learned and now you get to move on and make different decisions. And maybe the next ones will be better. Maybe they won’t. But you’ll still be you. You’ll still be a good person, Archer. You’ll still be worth loving.”
I wanted to believe him. More than anything. But I wondered if Cyrus would still find me worthy of loving or if he’d grown tired of me. To me, seeing Shane wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t worth Cyrus being angry about. I was happy, and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why Cyrus wasn’t happy for me. Unless he wanted me to be a perpetual fuck-up?
I huffed out a sigh and flopped back down on the bed, tucking myself tight up against Shane. I thought about what he’d said to me and closed my eyes, nestling tighter against his side.
