Page 26 of Turning Tides
I didn’t think of myself as a selfish person, but Shane brought it out in me. Being with him made me not care about anyone else but myself—and him—and how we fit together. How good it was between us even though we’d just met.
“We should—” Shane started, but stopped.
He looked at me with those big, pleading eyes of his. They hid nothing from me. He was just as fucked over this as I was. Just as greedy and anxious to keep it as I was.
“We should do whatever we want,” I supplied, twisting my hand to link our fingers together. “Whatever we want.” I held his gaze as I repeated myself.
There were a million reasons we shouldn’t and we both knew it. But, post-orgasm, the world was still fuzzy and distant and easy to ignore. I’d had enough of reality for a while. Being with Shane chased some of the unhappiness away. It was like the sun coming out after a long, dark winter. No sane person would willingly shut themselves away from the sun.
Forcing myself to move, I rose and straddled Shane. I kept our hands linked and draped the other one around his neck. Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against his.
“We’re adults, Shane. We’re adults who are attracted to each other and have incredible sex. So long as we both remain willing, why should we stop?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It is. It can be.” I wasn’t ready to give this up yet, but if he wanted to stop, I wouldn’t argue with him. I knew how to take no for an answer.
But Shane didn’t tell me no. He wrapped his other arm around my waist and tilted his head until our mouths met. He held me close and kissed me slow. His hand tightened on mine and though I feared the worst, he looked at me as he brought my hand to his lips. The world’s softest kiss brushed against my knuckles.
“It’s irresponsible.”
“So be irresponsible with me.”
Shane kissed my hand again before lowering it and releasing his grip from mine. I had to stop him from saying no. No was permanent. No was a decision he couldn’t unmake, even though I knew that was stupid. People changed their minds all the time.
“How about we take it as it comes?” I suggested. “We don’t have to plan for it to happen again, but maybe we don’t have to go out of our way to avoid it either.”
A million arguments sprang to mind, but I tamped them down. I liked him, but there was a good sort of begging and a bad sort of begging and I was teetering on the fence between them.
Shane eyed me as though he knew what I was saying. Like he saw through the bullshit and knew all the things I wasn’t willing to say. I didn’t want this to stop, but I didn’t know how to ask for it to go on. Shane had already given me so much, it seemed unreasonable to want more.
A million reasons not to loomed over us, but only one thrummed in my chest. It was the only one that I cared about. I wanted it. Him. And everything about him that he was willing to give me. But only if he was willing.
I didn’t care that we shouldn’t. My life was full of shouldn’ts. I shouldn’t have gone into business with Clayton. I shouldn’t have taken my eye off the money the first time I noticed a discrepancy in the books. I shouldn’t have let him get away with it. But all of those regrets I’d racked up were things that I’d done. Choices that I’d deliberately made. I didn’t want to regret letting go of Shane too easily.
Shane nodded, just once. But it was enough to bring a smile to my face.
“I don’t suppose you want to stay over after all?”
Shane shook his head. “I can’t.” Again, it sounded like regret but he leaned in and kissed me, then stood and gathered his clothes off the floor and tugged them on.
“See you tomorrow, Shane.” I said his name instead of calling him my little slut, but his cheeks turned that delicious shade of pink as though I had.
Chapter 13
Shane
The house I boughtfor my mom had been turned into a women’s shelter, which meant security. I used to have wait for someone to let me in while I shielded the boxes from the bakery in my arms from the driving rain, but I’d recently paid for a new, thicker door, with programmable keyless entry. I’d finally told mom it would be safer if the girls didn’t need a key to get in, in the case of an emergency. The security was unfortunately necessary. Not every man took being left with grace and maturity.
Mom met me at the door and ushered me inside. She had her apron on, which meant she was likely baking. “It’s really coming down. You’re soaked through. Let me take these and you can get your shoes off.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Kieran and I got our looks from our father. He’d been a mountain of a man. Beefy and thick with intense blue eyes and a mouth that hadn’t known how to crack a smile. He’d loved Mom, though, and us boys. Just not enough to stop himself from draining the accounts, losing the house, and walking away after.
Brodie looked like Mom. Short and slender with round, doe eyes and dimples when they smiled. Like a true middle child, I often thought I didn’t fit anywhere. But with Brodie gallivanting around the world, and with the work I did at the shelter to help Mom, the notionthat I didn’t fit could no longer take hold. I knew it was leftover hard feelings from childhood and that it was stupid, but it wouldn’t be the first—or last—stupid idea I ever had.
“What smells good?” After I’d taken my shoes and coat off, I went to the kitchen. Mom was at the stove, stirring. A new face was at the counter chopping things. Mom probably gave her that job so she’d feel secure with a strange man wandering into the house. I tried to limit how often I came here for that reason. And sometimes Mom would text and ask that I wait a few days before coming over.
