Page 54 of The Jock
Nash was always at the gym on Monday mornings. He pretended to hate it, and Mondays in general, but more than once he’d admitted to Colby that the Monday morning class was his favorite and that missing it made his week awkward, like putting your shoes on the wrong feet.
Colby tried to put it out of his mind, but the class was barely over and Colby was pulling his cell phone out and ducking into a quiet corner to check up on him.
It rang through to voicemail and Colby hung up without leaving a message. He frowned at his phone, then called again. This time Nash answered.
“‘lo?” Nash had obviously been sleeping, which was unusual for him. He was one of those people who were up with the birds.
“Nash? Buddy, you okay? You missed your workout.”
“Shit.” Nash groaned. “I’m fine. Something came up last night and I was out late.”
“Is everything okay? You should’ve called me.” Colby gripped his phone, imagining all kinds of things that might’ve happened and also wondering why Nash hadn’t called him.
“You had plans with your boyfriend,” Nash said, sounding slightly more coherent. “He didn’t want to bother you.”
“Who? What?”
Nash sighed. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Colby strode into the office at the back and shut the door. “Nash, what’s going on?”
Nash groaned again and Colby heard a weird hesitation. “Listen, it’s not my story to tell, but you’ll find out anyway. Probably. Taylor had some trouble last night, and he needed a ride. That’s all I can tell you.”
“What kind of trouble?” Colby clenched his fist. He wasn’t a violent person, but the sudden urge to smash someone’s face rolled over him like thunder. “Is he hurt? Why didn’t he call me?”
Nash sighed. “He knew you and Milo made shit official like last week. He knew you had plans last night and he didn’t want to bother you.”
“I don’t mind, though.”
“But he does, Colby. Jesus, I love you, man, but not everything is about you, okay?”
Colby flinched like he’d been slapped and he sank down into the chair. His body was heavy in a way he’d never experienced before. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you should call your brother.”
Colby didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. He let the silence swell between them until finally Nash spoke again. Softer this time. Gentle, as if he knew how bruised Colby felt.
“Colby, look. We love you. We love how you look out for everyone, but sometimes it wouldn’t kill you to let other people think of you for a change. You don’t need to be everyone’s hero all the time.”
“That’s not—” Colby tried to get the words out, but he couldn’t make himself speak. His thoughts and his feelingswere more tangled up than improperly stored Christmas lights. Something in his chest tightened and he couldn’t breathe. It had been years since he felt this way, but he recognized the sharp edges of grief for what it was.
“Call him, Colby.”
“I will. I have a client coming. I have to go.”
“Colby—”
Colby hung up before Nash could utter another word. It should make him happy that Taylor had someone else to depend on. That he wasn’t alone. But he hated that it wasn’t him. He looked at his phone and opened his contacts list, intending to call Taylor and ask about last night, but suddenly he couldn’t make himself.
It was petulant, and he knew it was, but knowing a truth didn’t mean he was able to stop himself.
Colby’s phone buzzed with a text from Nash that he left unread. And another. He put his phone in the desk and left the office.
When they first lost their mom, he’d been so angry that the only way to expel it was with his body. It was like an exorcism the way he poured all his feelings into punishing his body so his heart wouldn’t have the energy to keep breaking.
He shouldn’t be bereft. He’d lost nothing. Nothing and no one had been taken from him, but he threw himself into a punishing circuit. Desperate to turn his emotions off. Not that it worked. Not this time.
He pushed himself until his legs were jelly and he found a spot on the gym floor to sit. Leaning against the wall, he shut his eyes and sipped at a sports drink. Sophie, the other assistant manager, came over to him with the gym’s phone.
