Page 21 of The Jock
Nash raised an eyebrow at him. “Mister David can run so fast. Did you know he did an Iron Man?” Nash placed a hand over his heart and pretended to swoon. As far as impressions of Colby went, it sucked. “You were obsessed.”
“Your point?”
“What about that barista? The one who moved away last year. You were crushed when you found out.”
“He made killer chai lattes.”
“Colby, I’m not saying that straight men don’t drink chai lattes, but straight men don’t go to one specific barista for their chai lattes. And they certainly don’t tip as well as you tipped him.”
“He was friendly.”
“Because you tipped obscenely well.”
“I…” Colby couldn’t formulate a response.
“Listen, we’ve been friends for our whole lives practically, and I’ve watched you struggle with things from time to time. This isn’t the first time you’ve wondered about your sexuality, but you always find a reason not to deal with it.”
“I do not.” Colby frowned. “Do I?”
“Walk me through your crisis. Clearly you like Milo.”
“How did you know?” Colby panicked. Was that why Milo took off? Was Colby that transparent? Anxiety clawed at his chest, making it hard to breathe.
“I know because I know you. You crush and obsess, and then you find a reason why you can’t obsess or crush and you close yourself off again.”
“Do I really do that?” Colby liked to think he was a fairly self-aware person, but he was beginning to wonder if he knew himself at all.
“You like Milo.” Not a question.
“Yeah. I think maybe I do.”
“So what’s the reason you can’t like him? Because with Mister David there was the obvious reason that he was your teacher. The barista moved. There’s other examples I could give you, but we don’t need to list them all, do we?”
Colby shook his head. “Milo is friends with Taylor and, for reasons I can’t tell you, it’s important to me that Milo stays friends with him. I don’t want to mess anything up between them.”
Nash sighed. “Colby, Taylor can make other friends.”
“It’s not that he needs friends in general, it’s that he needs this friend in particular.” Colby bit back the urge to tell Nash everything, because eventually he always told Nash everything. “I can’t tell you why, so don’t ask.”
Nash shook his head. “You’re allowed to put yourself first sometimes, you know.” Nash shoved himself to his feet. “And don’t argue with me. You know I’m right. You and your brothers are all the fucking same. It’s lovable, but annoying. Seriously, you’re allowed to be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to. You can like Milo and you can even pursue something with him. You don’t need permission to not be straight, Colby. You don’t even need to come out or choose a label at all. You can just be yourself.”
Nash’s monologue was a knife, flaying Colby open and he was unaware of how sharp his words were. Colbycouldbe himself. Sure, it was that easy.
But sometimes he wasn’t positive he knew who he was. He made himself mumble a response to Nash, who mercifully changed the subject.
“Do you want to grab a bite to eat?” Nash asked.
Colby shook his head. “I have paperwork and then another class. Rain check?”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Nash stood and walked out, leaving Colby to sit in silence and stew about everything Nash said.
He’d made a lot of good points. Colby didn’t need a label to be attracted to someone. He liked Milo. He was attracted to him. But it still couldn’t go anywhere. Colby forced himself to focus on the work he needed to get done and ignored Nash’s voice in the back of his head, urging him to put himself first.
CHAPTER 10
MILO
“There hasto be a hundred plants in here.”
