Page 48 of The Virgin
The corner of Jonah’s mouth quirked up into a half-smile. “It’s okay. I, um… I realized some things about myself. And about us. And about what I want and what I don’t want.” He raked his hand through his hair. “This was easier when I was alone on your step.”
“Come here.” Spencer grabbed Jonah’s hand and walked him back to the steps. He sat and tugged Jonah down next to him. “You were saying you realized things about yourself.”
“And us.”
“I’d like to hear them,” Spencer prodded gently.
Jonah was quiet for a minute. He laced his fingers together. “I’ve known for a long time that I wasn’t wired the way everyone else was wired. I guess I was tired of being different, though, because I didn’t want to admit it. Mom died, and Dad was alone raising three kids. I tried my best to always not take up more time and space than I needed to take up. I was too busy in high school trying to get into college to worry much about sex. I figured I’d do all that in college, only… I didn’t. And looking back now, the signs were all there, but I didn’t have the language, and by the time I did, I didn’t want to admit it. I’m not ashamed of myself or anything. I was tired of having one more thing to deal with, you know?”
Spencer put his arm around Jonah and tugged him close. “Is this okay? You looked like you needed a hug.”
Jonah nodded and sucked in a deep breath. “I’m demisexual. It’s why connecting with men was hard for me. Especially because I didn’t want to admit that I needed different things. I made something that wasn’t a big deal into a huge thing, and then you came along.”
“Jonah, I?—”
“Let me finish.” Jonah turned and their knees bumped together, but he stared right into Spencer’s eyes. “And then you came along and showed me all the ways I could feel good that had nothing to do with sex. You showed me what it feels like to fall asleep with someone drawing patterns on your skin with their fingertips and what it’s like to wake up and have someone there to greet you with a smile. You showed me that sex can be good, amazing even, but I don’t think it would be good with anyone else. I know some people would say that they’ve been ruined for anyone else, but I don’t think you ruined me at all. I think you helped me find who I can be when I cut myself some slack when I let myself depend on someone. When I let myself love someone.”
Spencer stared at Jonah, letting the words he said soak in.
Jonah shifted nervously. “You can, um—you can say something now. I’m done.”
Now that he’d said his peace, Jonah’s bravado was rapidly fading and the nerves were setting in.Spencer watched him curl in on himself.
“Jonah, I—” Spencer took a breath. “Fuck it.”
He reached for Jonah, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck to pull him into a searing kiss.
CHAPTER 25
JONAH
Jonah flailed,but only for a second before grabbing onto Spencer with both hands. He dragged his fingers through Spencer’s hair, tangling and gripping, elated and yet still nervous because he needed to know. More than oxygen or even kissing Spencer, he had to know how he felt.
Jonah forced himself to pull out of the kiss and he leaned his forehead against Spencer’s. Brushed his thumbs over Spencer’s cheekbones. “Spencer?—”
“I never wanted you to go on that stupid date.” Spencer tilted his head so his lips pressed gently across Jonah’s. “Since that first time we kissed, Jonah, I never wanted to stop.”
The laugh that bubbled out of Jonah was unexpected and half joyful, half incredulous. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“To put it in simple terms, I was being an idiot. But I’m done being an idiot about this, Jonah. I love you. I’ve loved you like a friend before we kissed, and then we kissed, and I can’t imagine ever living in a world where I don’t get to keep you. And I’m sorry for avoiding you this week.”
Jonah beamed and climbed into Spencer’s lap, not caring that they were outside and that people might see them. Let them look. All they’d see were two men in love.
“You can’t avoid me now.” Jonah looped his arms around Spencer’s neck. He ghosted his lips over Spencer’s and stole a kiss. “You’re stuck with me.”
Spencer wrapped his arms around Jonah and pulled him closer, and suddenly Jonah was feeling not very G-rated. Things the neighbors would absolutely have an issue with.
“Oh, the hardship.” Spencer’s smile softened. “Fuck, did I ever miss you this week.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Spencer’s answering voice was husky, and Jonah shifted in Spencer’s lap. “We need to get inside before we get indecent.”
Spencer’s meaty hands slid down his back and cupped his ass.Jonah had to wrestle his way out of Spencer’s grip, and he laughed when they were both on their feet. Spencer slid an arm around Jonah and unlocked his front door.
“When did you turn into an octopus?” Jonah was almost giddy with happiness. After spending a week in hell, not knowing whether he’d still have a friendship with Spencer, his relief made him weightless. It was only Spencer holding onto him, tugging him through the door and pulling him close that kept him from floating away.
