Page 36 of The Virgin
Stopping wasn’t an option, but continuing on the path they were going down was a bad idea. But Jonah had no solutions. Maybe it was Future Jonah’s problem.
“You okay?” It was Damon who asked him the question, and he turned his head to face his friend.
“I’m fine. Just enjoying the fire. I got lost in the flames.”
“Well, it’s good to know that we’re boring you, Jonah.” Taylor laughed. “Dad sang your favorite song, and you didn’t even blink.”
It wasn’t dark enough to hide Jonah’s scowl. “I wasn’t bored. I was relaxing.”
Taylor looked at him with obvious disbelief. “Because people who are relaxing make this face.” Taylor crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at Jonah.
“If Jonah says he’s fine, he’s fine,” Jonah’s dad stepped in. Catching his gaze, he winked at Jonah. “Leave him alone, boys.”
“Yeah, leave me alone, boys,” Jonah parroted, feeling triumphant at the way his dad stuck up for him. He always tried to be fair and treat all his kids equally, but sometimes Jonah knew that because he often pretended to not need things, he was overlooked. Most of the time he almost preferred that, but having his dad make everyone back off was like being covered with a warm blanket.
“God, we can’t even be concerned.” Taylor rolled his eyes.
“Thank you, but it’s unnecessary. Can we change the subject now? How about you, Taylor? Anything new?”
Something flickered in Taylor’s expression. “What could be new?
“Anyone want a drink?” Spencer stood and looked down at Jonah. A few people said they did, and Jonah rose to follow Spencer into the house.
“Let me help.”
Once they were inside, Spencer opened the fridge and counted out the number of beers that had been requested, passing half to Jonah.
“Are you okay?” Spencer asked him quietly.
“I’d love to be alone with you, but other than that, I’m fine.” Jonah swallowed down his sudden wash of embarrassment at admitting it, but if he couldn’t confess even the smallest truths to Spencer, he had no business continuing their current arrangement, and he wasn’t ready to let it go.
“So long as you’re sure.”
“Yeah. If anything, someone should ask Taylor what that look on his face was about earlier.”
Spencer shrugged. “Who knows with kids these days.”
Jonah cackled. “He’s not that much younger than you. Is he?”
“Well, I’m five years older than you, and he’s six years younger than you. So, that’s eleven years.”
“He’s still not a kid.”
“Yeah, but did you have shit figured out at his age?”
Jonah shrugged. “I thought I did. I mean, I was in college studying to be a teacher. I had that much figured out. But Taylor decided a long time ago that he wasn’t going to college. So… What was the question?” Jonah opened the patio door for Spencer, and they joined everyone back out at the fire. They’d ceased their conversation, which was fine. It wasn’t out of character for Spencer to stick up for people, but it was rare for Jonah to think Taylor needed someone to stick up for him.
Jonah was probably as much of a mess as Taylor was. The only difference was that because Taylor was six years younger, no one cared if he was a mess. The minute Jonah wavered off the path of the confident oldest child who had it all figured out, people noticed. They noticed and they worried about him. He shouldn’t hate that, but he didn’t like feeling judged. He wanted to not be seen. He was happy hiding in the shadows, not drawing attention or causing trouble.
When Taylor had a bad moment or a bad day, everyone shrugged it off and blamed his youth. When Jonah had a quiet moment, not even a bad one, he attracted attention and worry.
“You know, I think I’m going to head home,” Jonah heard himself say. He’d made the decision on a whim, but now that the words were out there, he wished he was already gone.
His dad stopped strumming and placed his hand over the strings to quiet them. “Everything okay?”
“I’m tired. It’s been a long semester.”
“Stop by the diner tomorrow for breakfast,” his dad said. “We’ll have coffee and catch up.”
