Page 23 of The Virgin
The urge to greet him with a kiss nearly knocked Spencer off his feet. All he thought about all week was getting his mouth on Jonah. Here he was, right in front of Spencer, and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling he was off-limits.
Spencer pulled the door open to greet Jonah, unable to keep what was probably a stupid grin off his face.
“Hey,” Spencer said breathlessly.
Jonah looked stunning in a pair of dark jeans that clung to his form and a button-up with the collar wide open and the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t worn before, but now Spencer was allowed to look. The way Jonah moved, not quite fluid and not quite confident but with an endearing awkwardness, was something Spencer was allowed to notice now. The curve of his ass and the slashes of pink on his cheekbones when he saw the way Spencer looked at him were things he was allowed to notice too.
“Get in here,” Spencer said, opening the door wider to let Jonah slip past him into the house.
Jonah hadn’t needed to bring anything, but Spencer took the Tupperware container full of cookies out of his hands. He wanted to set it aside and cradle Jonah’s face. To touch the blushes of pink on his cheeks and drag him into a kiss. But that wasn’t part of the plan, and Spencer wasn’t sure of the rules. Kissing Jonah was a treat. A gift. A fucking treasure that he wanted to gather more of and hoard all to himself.
“You’re early,” he said instead. It was all he could do not to pin Jonah against the wall and kiss him senseless.
“I tried not to be, but I kept pacing in circles and acting like one big ball of anxiety.”
“Everything okay?” Spencer motioned to his kitchen. He’d set the pizza up on a timed delivery and it wasn’t due for an hour yet. Damon, however, would be there any minute. Guilt tore through Spencer when he realized he didn’t want Damon to come at all. Not when it meant being unable to reach for Jonah at all. Not when it meant lying to him about what was going on. Okay, so maybe lie was a stretch, but they were still keeping something from him. Not that it was any of Damon’s business. Or that it was going to last. If they were a proper couple, Spencer could tell Damon. He could have them both over and have Jonah sit in his lap and hold his hand. Fuck. Spencer was in way over his head.
But there was no going back now. He’d promised Jonah that he’d help him and he would. He’d help his friend and he’d keep all his big, dumb feelings to himself.
“Spence?” Jonah held a can of beer out to him. By the look of concern on his face, Spencer would guess that Jonah had been trying to get his attention for a minute.
“Sorry, thanks.” He took the beer and cracked it open. “Got lost in my own head there. Did you see the new images the James Webb Space Telescope got?” Pride bloomed in Spencer’s chest when he’d actually remembered the name of the telescope.
“You can’t distract me with science geekery, Spencer.” Jonah cracked his beer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It was a long week, that’s all.”
Jonah frowned. He looked out the window that overlooked the front of the house where Damon was due to appear. “We don’t have to…you know. If you’re too tired.”
“Should I be offended that you think I’m too old and tired to follow through?” Spencer took a sip of his beer. How could he say that he’d looked forward to this all week and that his only regret was that Damon was coming over? That there were hours between now and when Spencer would be allowed to touch him.
“I’m sorry we can’t tell him,” Jonah said, as if reading Spencer’s thoughts. “It's kind of personal, you know. I know he’s our best friend and part of me feels like shit for keeping this from him. I thought about telling him, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Spencer had closed the gap between them because there wasn’t a thing on this planet that could keep him from offering comfort to Jonah when he was upset the way he was now. Jonah so seldom let anyone past his wall of self-sufficiency that getting a glimpse behind the curtain was like winning the lottery.
He cupped Jonah’s cheek and did the thing he’d been thinking about all week. Kissing Jonah was like coming home. Like their lips had known each other in a past life and were old friends, meeting again and again. There was a comfort to it, but also heat that spread from Spencer’s core through his whole body like a flash fire. He had to force himself to pull away, a nearly impossible task when his body begged him to do the opposite.
“Better?”
Jonah cleared his throat. “Yeah, uh…”
“It’s okay, Jonah.” Spencer mapped the slope of Jonah’s cheekbone with his thumb. “He’s our friend, but that doesn’t mean that everything is his business. It’s your business, and its mine for as long as you’ll let it be. I’d never do anything to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. Damon will be fine not knowing things he doesn’t need to know.”
Jonah nodded. “Sorry I’m a mess.”
“You’re not. And if you are, everyone is, so you’re not alone.” Spencer forced himself to step away from Jonah, to put a respectable friendly distance between their bodies. “Okay? You good?”
Jonah was slow to nod but he gave Spencer his word that he was okay, and by the time Damon showed up a few minutes later, Spencer even believed that it was true. Now all they had to do was get through the next few hours of not touching and not kissing. Of not being anything but friends who didn’t kiss so they could go back to being friends who did.
Unfortunately, it seemed that this was a weekend when Damon wasn’t going to cut out early to go see his mystery man. Spencer did his best to stay tuned into the conversations going on around him, but his mind kept going back to Jonah and how hard it was for him to share any small bit of himself with someone. But, for some reason, he’d chosen Spencer. It was tough to not read too much into that. Jonah was his friend. Currently with benefits, but that would come to an end one day. And Spencer was fine with that. He was.
At least that’s what he’d have to tell himself if he wanted to not fuck up their whole friendship. Because it would be like a bomb going off between them if Spencer admitted that he’d like to do more than show Jonah how incredible it was to have someone suck his dick. If he admitted that he liked him, he worried that Jonah would shut it down and walk away. Not because he would want to, but Jonah didn’t like relying on people. He didn’t like people going out of their way for him. And someone having feelings for him would make Jonah afraid of becoming a burden.
Jonah was a hard person to know, but Spencer had years of watching and listening, and he learned a lot from what Jonah didn’t say. His dad had raised three boys by himself, and Jonah had done his best to not ask for things. To be quiet and out of the way and to do things on his own so his dad had more time and energy available for everything else he had to do.
When both Jonah and Damon bid him goodnight and left, Spencer was sure he’d fucked something up. He’d been quiet and introspective all night, unable to pry his mind away from picturing Jonah on his back, writhing and panting his name. When Jonah’s car left the driveway, Spencer hated that Damon had to be there at all, which was uncharitable.
Spencer sat down on the couch and leaned back. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts drift to Jonah, because they were never far from him anyway. He was sure Jonah would make up a reason to stick around, but maybe Spencer was putting his own wants ahead of the reality of the situation. Which was that Spencer was so absolutely fucked. Hell, he was so hooked on his best friend he could almost hear his voice.
