Page 112 of Deadwood
Why? Why me? “Am I fae?”
“I’m not sure,” he admitted.
My voice rose as I said, “You’re notsure?”
“You may be half, the lineage possibly going back centuries in your bloodline, but without knowledge of what your mother was, I couldn’t guess entirely.”
I swayed on my feet, the truth of his words making the alcohol sour in my stomach. I’d never suspected my mother was anything but human in the few years she’d been alive. “How can you be so certain?”
He grabbed my waist, steadying me. Whether it was the buzz or the truth making my head spin, I wanted him to keep his hold on me. Keep me grounded to this earth, in this moment, rather than letting me spiral out of control. “I can sense something is different about you,” he said softly.
“That’s why you hate me.”
His eyes flashed like pain physically hit him with my assumption. “I don’t hate you, Auria.”
“Then that’s whytheyhate me. Why every kingdom I’ve visited on this wretched journey has loathed me, made their hatred of me clear.”
His gaze darkened, his fingers straining not to grip my waist tighter. His arm flexed with the effort. “They will not harm you. I would never let that happen.”
My eyes, welling with tears I refused to let fall, found his, holding his stare. “You don’t understand. They already have. All of this, and I’m supposed to what? Go back to that suffocating castle and live out my days, as if my father is the saint he claims to be?”
“You don’t have to go back.”
I shoved his hand off me, reeling as I spun around and plunged my hands through my hair. “Don’t say that like it’s an option.”
“You have choices, Auria.”
I laughed, the sound anything but comforting as I turned on him. “Choices aren’t afforded to pawns like me, Bowen.”
“This isn’t his game to win.”
“So, what? Your plan is to what? Kill my father?” I hated the pain that laced itself with those words. How terrible would it be if my captor was gone? The man who was supposed to love me unconditionally, who instead held me locked in his idea of a suitable life. If he died, I’d be left with my stepmother, and she?—
He stepped into my space again, cutting off my thoughts before they went places they couldn’t come back from. “If that’s what you want, say the words. Say you want him dead, and I’ll drive the knife through his heart and set you free. You can fly, Auria. You just haven’t left the nest.”
“I’m out of his damn cage right now and look at me!”
He did. His eyes devoured me, taking in my body, every dip and divot, like a feast. “Freedom looks astonishing on you.”
And then it hit me.
I wasn’t the only prisoner here. He was hiding, too. He was fae. His prison looked a lot different than mine, but we were both held stagnant with no place to go. He couldn’t truly be himself, let his fae side out to play, unless he was sure no human was watching. And me? I couldn’t be me, period. There was no escaping this endless hell for me. But maybe for him, there could be.
And maybe…it wasn’t me who couldn’t handle the world.
Maybe the world couldn’t handle me.
“I have one more question,” I said, needing to move the topic off of me.
“Is that so?” he replied, sarcasm lacing his voice, like he knew damn well I had a hundred more.
“For now.” I dipped my chin before meeting his gaze. “Why were you in Torbernite the night of Exitium Lunae if you weren’t celebrating? You clearly have no ties with them.”
He inhaled, his shoulders rising with the act. “I was looking for something, and I figured infiltrating their castle on a night when everyone was distracted celebrating a mass slaughter was the best time.”
My brows rose at least six inches in the air. “I’m sorry, what? A mass slaughter? Lander told me it was a holiday to honor equality.”
He let out a chuckle, the sound holding no amusement. “Yeah. That’s what they tell themselves. Is it equality to hold a tradition where you party until the sun rises if you’re celebrating the day they tried to wipe out the entire fae population? Not to mention, they thought they were successful. Every year, we get to watch humans drink and dance and enjoy themselves over the murders of our innocent population.”
