Page 41 of Swallow Your Fear
I shouldn’t have allowed myself to grow attached. Butfuck. Booker handled me the way I’d always wanted to be handled, like a flower that could withstand being plucked, picked, and cut. My exterior walls hid the delicateness of my heart, and he’d penetrated them with ease. He challenged me, breaking down my barriers and building them up at the same time.
And yet he’d said he wouldn’t care what happened to me after all of this.
The man truly was selfish.
I should’ve known to never get involved with a rancher.The land would always be more important. I’d never be a priority, and he’d made that clear.
So I zipped the luggage, hefting it up off the ground, and rolled it next to the door to finish filling the second one.
With my back to the door, I heard it creak open, but I didn’t need to turn around to know who stood there. His presence dominated all the air in the room, the universe and my senses bending to him.
No footsteps sounded, indicating he was still standing in the doorway, most likely staring at my luggage.
He got what he wanted. Chase would lead him to wherever the deed was, so my part in this was over.
“What was the gunshot?” I asked, folding my green crewneck to lay it in the bag.
“Taking care of a problem.” The low timbre of his voice vibrated through me, and I wanted to turn to him. I wanted so badly for him to hold me. But he wasn’t like that. He was Booker—closed off and the definition of an asshole. And me? Well, I wasn’t his.
I didn’t respond as I shoved my socks in the side pocket of the bag.
I didn’t hear him move, but then his hands were at my waist, and my hands froze on the t-shirt I was about to pick up.
“Guess what, Darlin’?” His lips were a caress on my ear, and I didn’t want them to leave.
My hand fisted in the fabric as I waited for him to go on.
“He’s dead, and I’mstill here.”
I subtly shook my head, my breaths getting shorter as my lungs tightened.
“I still care,” he said, the words almost a whisper as his hands slid down to my hips, gripping them.
“Clearly you don’t have your deed back, then.” Otherwise, he’d be kicking me out tonight.
“No, I don’t.”
“So once you get it, I’m gone.” I said it as if he hadn’t made the rules himself. As if he didn’t ingrain them in my mind earlier today.
“You’re mad at me.” There was no question in his tone.
“You told me you didn’t care what happened to me after all of this was done.” I was just his fucking pawn.
He spun me around, hands fisted in my loose sweater. “I said that to get your ass back in the truck.”
“You said it because it’s true,” I corrected. “It’s clear you don’t feel anything for me, so excuse me for getting caught up in the moment.”
He pulled me closer, my chest to his. “You’re the only woman I do fucking feel for, Brynne, and it pisses me the fuck off.”
My eyes narrowed as my teeth ground together. “Well, sorry for making you so fucking mad! I didn’t ask you to fuck me, didn’t ask you to be fucking nice to me, or offer for me to move in.”
His fingers gripped my chin hard, tilting my head up further. I both loved and hated him for doing that in this moment, because I loved his rough hands on me, but I hated that the act fucked with my head. “You think I want you to leave after all of this?”
“Yes!” Our voices were rising, tension radiating through my limbs with the impulse to run.
“Is what I’m doing not good enough for you, then?”
His insecurities barreled into me like a freight train with no brakes. He thought I was rejecting him, that I wasn’t into him. But that was the fucking problem. “What you’re doing is more than enough, Booker. So much so, that I don’t think I ever want to leave, because if I do, what if I never find what we have right now? What if I find another wimp like Chase or an asshole like that guy at the gym?”
