Page 34 of Spur of the Moment
She resumed her chewing, swallowing before she spoke. “Have youseenthe storms out here?”
I nodded, leaning my shoulder against the wall beside the bathroom door. “Well, I did grow up here, so...”
She set what was left of her burrito on the desk before taking a sip of her coffee, rolling her eyes. “Men,” she said, making it sound almost like an insult.
“What about men?” I asked, putting up air quotes around the word.
“You guys act like you’re not scared of anything,” she griped.
“That’s not true.”
Her brows inched up her forehead. “Oh, yeah? Then what are you scared of?”
There was only one thing I knew for sure that I was scared of, and that fear didn’t creep in until the day Lettie fell off that ladder. “Losing you again.”
Her eyes scanned my face before she stood up, throwing the remnants of her breakfast in the trash and grabbing Rouge’s leash from the end of the bed.
“Don’t shut me out,” I pleaded.
She faced me from where she stood feet away, leash gripped in her fist. “I didn’t mean to hurt you by leaving. I just...” She trailed off.
“Just what?”
“I just needed space.”
“From me?” I would have given her space if she had just asked. Moving hundreds of miles away was not the only way to get space from someone.
She let out a frustrated sigh, her hands slapping against the sides of her thighs. “No.” She shook her head. “Yes. From everyone.”
Something like pain filled her eyes, like she regretted saying it.
“I’m not leaving. Not again,” she added after I didn’t respond.
“How do I know that, Lettie? How do I know you’re not going to run off again the second things become too real for you?”
“Too real? Bailey, my entire life, I’ve been bombarded by the people who care about me. I love them for it as much as I hatemyselffor it.”
I shook my head, closing the distance between us. With my height, she had to crane her neck back to look up at me. “Thelast thing I want to hear is that you blame yourself for this. I know every damn bad thing about you, Lettie, and I still think you’re the purest fucking woman I’ve ever met. Do not for one second blame yourself for your condition.”
She broke our eye contact, looking down at the floor as she whispered, “You can’t say that.”
Refusing to let her hide from my words, I grabbed her chin, tilting her head up to look at me again. “Why?”
Tears welled in her eyes. “Becausethat’stoo real.”
I pursed my lips, searching her eyes for any indication that she didn’t mean that, but all I found was an ocean of agony. Frustrated, I dropped her chin, taking a step back from her.
I lowered my voice. “If I get close to you and lose you again, I don’t know if I can handle it.”
“Then stop trying to get close to me!”
As if it was that easy. What made this woman so damn adamant that pushing everyone close to her away was going to solve her problems?
“Is this your way of trying to show your family you can take care of yourself?”
She blinked, confusion clear on her face. “What?”
“This.” I waved my hands in between us. “Pushing me away.Everyoneaway.”
