Page 44 of The Enduring Universe
“Is that so wrong?”
“No,” Esk replied sadly. “It is not. You are still married, after all. But I wish you could see that you are already worthy. I think you wish to save the Virohi not because you see them as yourself, but because you see them as him. If that is true, you should think of the reasons behind what you want to do closely.”
Her words were so surprising that Ahilya was rendered momentarily speechless. Deep down, she had always known that she and Iravan needed each other—that one without the other would collapse into the worst rendition of themselves. In those early days of Irshar’s formation within the jungle, Ahilya had spoken to the Virohi because no one else could—but in so many ways, that was how it was with Iravan too. No one could get through to him the way she could. Eskayra had seen what no one else had; in trying to understand and save the Virohi, Ahilya was still seeking to understand him. In communicating with them, she was attempting to communicate withhim.Was this a fool’s errand? She and Iravan had balanced each other all their married lives, but look where that had brought everyone.
Iravan’s seven-month absence back in Nakshar, the man he’d chosen to become, the convoluted reasoning behind his capital desire… Eskayra was sayingenough was enough.That Ahilya deserved better. But what of Ahilya’s responsibility in all this? She’d had a part to play in the man Iravan was now. That is what a marriage meant. In some ways, she would not have beenthisAhilya and he would not bethisIravan if it weren’t for the other. Eskayra would have her be finished with him, but was that possible at all?
If the Virohi were destroyed like everyone wished, and if Iravan’s mind and conscience survived the annihilation, and even if Ahilya regained her former confidence, could matters simply return to the way they had been? Could she finish with him, this man who hadowned her like she owned him? Neither of them had said goodbye, despite it all. And now when they could see each other with a thought, when they could communicate in a way they never had before within the Etherium… What would be the point of goodbye anymore? They could not escape each other. They were knotted, heart and rhythm, more than either of them understood.
Eskayra sensed her somber mood, and did not push. She simply sighed. “Did you find anything more?” she asked, gesturing to the maps in Ahilya’s hand.
Ahilya shrugged a limp shoulder. Her mind was still full of everything Esk said, but she allowed the attempt to change the subject.
“The books don’t tell us much,” she said. “I have tried.”
So much had been destroyed in the crash. The truth was that there hardly were any records remaining. Laksiya was not the only one chronicling the history of humanity. Whatever remained was guarded zealously—Basav kept all the architect records with him, and Ahilya had endured his revulsion of her while he told her in stilted stories anything that could be of use to her in order to extract the Virohi. She had collated her own information, and talked to the sungineers of Irshar and of the Garden. She had gone toward the tree trunk many times hoping for an epiphany, and simply touched it, searching in her mind, whispering for the Virohi. It was absurd that her situation was no different than it had been before—trying to describe a whole field of study with little help. She should have found it a path well traveled, but all Ahilya felt was exhaustion.
Eskayra took Ahilya’s wrist in her hand, feeling the heartpoison bracelet there. “You should not have insisted on this. It will only hurt you.”
Ahilya pulled away gently. “What hurts me, will hurt him too,” she said softly. “That’s what I need him to see. I think he does.”
Eskayra’s brow crinkled. She didn’t understand—but Iravan had.
Ahilya had seen it on his face when she’d asked him to enforce the rules of their contract and make the bracelet. He was keeping his promise of sending resources to Irshar—he’d hardly needed such an enforcement. But she had asked for it because the both of them knew that he would rather destroy himself than hurt her.
Perhaps it meant that there was still a seed of affection for her inside him. He had told her explicitly after subsuming the falcon-yaksha that he wished to save her from the Virohi. Ahilya would have liked to believe that, but she knew Iravan could not have her harmed, not if he wanted his own Ecstatics to make amends.
They had played such a game all their lives, one of contesting wills. He would not give up his capital desire, but Ahilya had no urgent need to find the Virohi either.
She had vowed to share information with himifshe found it, but she had not made any commitments as towhenshe would.
She would simply wait him out, wearing this heartpoison bracelet for her lifetime. Even her efforts now to find a way to destroy the cosmic creatures were simply to appease the council. Under the pretext of hunting for a way to end them, Ahilya secretly searched for a way to release the Virohi instead—that was the information she sought from Basav and her books. The longer it took for her to find a way to destroy them, the more compelled Iravan would become to release her of her vow—if for nothing, then because his own society would change.
By then, civilization would reform. She would erode him with her patience. His capital desire would remain unfulfilled—or, he would be forced to change it. Either way, Ahilya had already won.
She tucked the bracelet away out of sight. Eskayra watched her, then walked over to the far end of the chamber, rummaging amonga few instruments. She returned with a small sungineering device the size of her palm, a thin glass wire jutting out from it.
“Do you know what this is?” she asked.
Ahilya shook her head.
“No,” Eskayra said, frowning. “Why would they think to tell you when it was the sungineering devices you once used that brought about its invention?” She unspooled the wire from the device. “This is a seismometer. It checks the foundations and stability of the earth underneath. Maybe it can help you? If the Virohi are in the tree, and the tree is rooted into the planet, then studying the planet might teach you something of the creatures. The builders have been using it at the new city, but we don’t need it anymore.”
“Thank you,” Ahilya said, surprised. She knew what it cost Eskayra, to give such a useful instrument away to her when she did not understand Ahilya’s true purpose. Ahilya would not use it for the Virohi, but the vriksh? It was the only place she received any peace anymore, and physical knowledge of the tree could reveal information about the forest of her Etherium too.
Eskayra gave her a small smile. “I have to go to the new city again. I won’t be back for days, but maybe next time you can come with me?” She leaned in and brushed her lips softly against Ahilya, and Ahilya froze, uncertain of whether to allow it, and what it would mean, now when her thoughts were still so full of her husband.
“Ahilya-ve?” a voice spoke from the door.
They turned to see Kamala standing there. Ahilya took a step back, her face heating, but it was already too late. Kamala had seen this intimacy.
The nurse shrugged as though it was not important to her what she saw, but she tapped at her wrist. “It’s time for your medicines,” she said.
Ahilya nodded. She could already feel the itch that would begin when they inserted the tubes into her veins.
“Think of a name,” Eskayra said, as Ahilya followed Kamala out. “The new city will need it. And maybe thinking of the possibilities will show you that the past need not own you, Ahilya.”
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