Page 41 of The Enduring Universe
“He can traject,” Tariya said, dully. “He responded to the radarx, when we were still in the skies.”
Iravan contained his surprise. Not merely trajection—if Arth had responded to the radarx, he couldsupertraject. The baby was displaying Ecstatic energy. Perhaps like Reyla in the Garden, he had found the Deepness before the Moment, a pure Ecstatic who never needed to unlearn the limits of trajection.
Iravan tore his gaze back to Tariya. “You and Arth and Kush,” he said. “You could come to the Garden. I could teach Arth. And I would take care of you—the way Bharavi would have wanted.”
“What Bharavi would have wanted,” Tariya echoed, mirthlessly. “You think this is what she would have done, if she were one of those Ecstatics like the ones in your Garden?”
“Bharavi would have been more powerful than anyone else,” Iravan said, his throat raw. “More powerful than me, her desire to change the world more potent than anything I could do. Tariya, she did amazing, powerful things that I could never do. If she were here, she would change everything about how we once lived. She would do more than I have.”
Bharavi had landed Nakshar in an earthrage to unite with her yaksha, long before he had ever known any of this was possible. He had never asked her why, or what creature it had been, but in his heart he knew it was the elephant-yaksha he and Ahilya had encountered in that terrible expedition into the jungle. Had Bharavi felt the same familiarity and fury from her split part that Iravan had once felt from the falcon? She had not gone outside in the jungle to meet it, or perhaps she had been biding her time. Perhaps she hadn’t known fully she was Ecstatically trajecting.The first few experiences are mystifying.Whatever she had endured in those early days, the Bharavi he’d confronted in the deathcage had made her choice. She had been clear about what she’d wanted. Iravan had to trust in that memory.
“I was with her in the end,” he said. “Bharavi wanted to recreate civilization. She wanted to raze it all to the ground and rebuild it because she knew how wrong everything was. She understood the lies that formed the foundation of our culture, even before I did.”
Tariya turned to him and swallowed. “And would she have left me then, too? Left Arth and Kush? The way you have left Ahilya? The way you left us?”
Iravan recoiled as though slapped. He had thought to convince Tariya now of his own actions, as though seeking her forgiveness and absolution would relieve his conscience and count toward his making amends.
But her words were poison. He had never seen her like this; she had been reverent toward architects before, he’d expected her sympathy, her understanding. Had he misread her so badly all this time?
It was as if Tariya could see these thoughts on his face. She leaned forward and clutched his hand, her gaze suddenly fierce.
“You abandoned us, Iravan,” she hissed, giving him clarity. “Not just me and the boys and your wife. You abandoned every one of us to fend for ourselves. Do you know what I endured after the Moment shattered? How I couldn’t distinguish between nightmares and reality, watching Bharavi die over and over again, though I had begun to heal myself? Do you know I suffered in Nakshar during the Conclave, our living conditions so poor that I could barely hold together my broken family? And you have the audacity to ask me to come with you? The audacity to tell me you are doing what Bharavi intended? You are what caused this.”
Her grip was painful on Iravan’s wrist, nails digging into his skin. Kush was watching them sullenly from across the courtyard, and Iravan thought of the words Bharavi had said before he’d murdered her:I loved them, didn’t I?She had been searching for a way tobalance her material bonds with Ecstasy. She had deliberately not gone out to the jungle to the yaksha because she had tried to choose Tariya. She had fought him, not wanting to die. What would her capital desire have been if she were alive? What would she have done if she was here by his side, arguing with him, mentoring him?
He remained speechless, shame, regret, and a profound loneliness throbbing in him. For an instant, the desire to destroy the Virohi wavered.
Because Tariya’s words were no manipulation of the council. Her words had no agenda. This was grief, pure and true, and it pierced him like a knife to the heart.
Iravan stood up, handing Arth back, his movements wooden.
Propelled by deep shame and chaos, he trajected, and the air around him twisted and lifted him and Manav up into flight. Darsh and Naila would follow in their own time. Perhaps it was dangerous to leave Darsh alone when he was clearly volatile. But Iravan needed to get away from Tariya now—from Kush and Arth, and the family they reminded him of. He needed to get away from this specter of his past.
Iravan fled back to the Garden, away from Tariya’s accusing eyes.
Dust swirled behind him in an echo of his cowardice.
22
IRAVAN
He landed gracelessly in the central courtyard, his legs unsteady. Next to him, Manav stumbled, and Iravan shot out a hand to steady him. Ignoring the greetings of the other Ecstatics, who were milling about in the courtyard, Iravan approached an elevator hidden behind a wall of curling leaves. He trajected and the bark opened to let him and Manav in. Silently, they rode the elevator high up the tower.
There, alone except for someone who could not harm him, Iravan thunked his head on the bark, breathing heavily. The Etherium cycled within the evervision, and he saw Askavetra bump her husband’s arm. Agni grinned as they reached out to sweep their lover’s hair behind an ear. The flashes came faster, but Iravan heard the voices of these people too, in sharp counterpoint to the images. A single message breathed in concert.Destroy.Their eyes flashed silver before turning back to their original shade.
I’m going mad, he thought. It was not possible to contain so much conflicting information within oneself. His head was a cloud of meaningless noise, chattering away incessantly. How could onemake any sense of anything? How could one live?I contain lives, Iravan thought, smiling darkly.And they are all insane.
The elevator came to a stop. Manav had been silent all this while, and Iravan grasped his elbow, and stepped off, gathering his purpose to him like a cloak. They marched through together, Iravan escorting the man to his chambers.
This floor lay still, though lights from glowglobes blinked here and there, merged with gleaming blue-green phosphorescence. Iravan had designed it using only Nakshar’s plants. The waving, leafy pothos, the bark railings engraved with carvings, the soft chimes that were reminiscent of the landing raga. Iravan had made these decisions deliberately. The chamber smelled like ice-roses, enough to make him light-headed. He wound their way past a small fountain edged with stone, taking care to slow down so Manav would not feel his agitation. Iravan tried to still his turbulent emotions, hoping to feel the peace that he had created for Manav.
In this chamber it was easy to forget that they had all landed in an alien jungle not long ago. Iravan had talked to the Maze Architects of Nakshar to recall this, but this floor resembled the very same luxurious house that had once belonged to Manav, when he was a Senior Architect of Nakshar. Iravan could feel the ghost of his own footsteps echo. In his mind’s eye, he watched as he, along with Bharavi and Chaiyya and Airav, marched down the same paths, cornering Manav before taking him to the Examination of Ecstasy. It was the only excision he’d ever done, and it would haunt him for the rest of his days. In a way, this chamber was an attempt at a reparation he could never perform. Manav’s condition was a direct reminder of what came from living by the dictates of ashram society. Tariya was welcome to her anger and grief, but didn’t Manav prove the sheer number of atrocities that were committed in the name of peace once? Atrocities Iravan had been complicit in, withouthis knowledge? The Garden was not perfect, but at least excision was completely outlawed. That was because of him. He had to keep faith in himself.
He and Manav reached a small courtyard open to the skies. Ice blue roses littered the floor, and Iravan trajected two benches facing each other. He helped Manav down onto one, then took his place on the other, facing him.
Silently, Iravan withdrew a small notebook from his pocket, filled with Bharavi’s tight writing. Every now and then he came here to speak to Manav, to ensure his welfare, to remember Bharavi—and each time was different. Sometimes Manav spoke in halting words, other times he hummed without tune. Iravan could tell that today Manav would stay silent. After the events in Irshar, it was only to be expected. Somewhere, Manav’s mind must have registered everything that had happened. Had he heard his name being spoken in the solar lab? It was amazing that the sungineers in Irshar had found another energy source, one so similar to what Manav had done after being excised.
“You knew,” Iravan said softly. “You knew about the everpower, didn’t you?”
